Family Guy's Road Trip: Phineas and Ferb
by Blackspiderman
Summary: FGRT episode 1. The first of many crossover fanfictions as Brian, Stewie, Frank Sinatra Jr. & the rest of the family travel around the world hitting the most famous TV show spots in an effort to raise money for Juvenile Diabetes. 3,000 hits!
1. Big, Big News

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series**

**Phineas and Peter**

**Fanfiction Summary: Well, like the title suggests, basically a series of episodes centering around the Family Guy Griffin family as they take a road trip around the world seeing the sights of the most famous TV shows, reality shows & sitcoms included, while Brian takes a world-wide trip with Frank Sinatra Jr. & Stewie promoting the wonders of classical music.**

**Episode Summary: And as you may have guess by the title, their first stop is in Danville, home of the infamous Phineas and Ferb! While Brian, Stewie, and Frank are busy preparing for their show, Phineas and Ferb are busy preparing for an upcoming talent show as "Phineas and the Ferb-Tones" (As seen in the P&F episode 'Flopz Star'). Meanwhile, Brian tries to help Isabella get the courage to ask Phineas out, with little results. And those plans are dashed even further when Peter causes an accident. But to whom? Plus, Stewie decides to help the boys out with their latest space project, and teach Candace a little lesson**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

**Prologue**

Our story begins at the Griffin family. Everyone is relaxing, doing their own thing. Peter and Lois are upstairs, having sex, Chris & Meg are in their rooms, doing their homework, while Stewie & Brian are on the couch, watching mindless television.

"_We now return to Harrison Ford Telling Random People He Wants His Family Back_" The TV announcer said, as the television scene cut over to Harrison Ford running on a sidewalk, looking haggard and angry. He ran up to a guy and grabbed him by the shirt, and yelled "_I want my family back!" _to him, to which he responded "OK." He did this two more times, to an old lady, and then to a puppy.

"Brian, is this what our lives have come to?" Stewie asked, bored out of his mind. "I mean, watching crappy sitcoms starring old people who have become drunk over one hot chick?"

"I don't know. A lot of the shows have been crappy, lately. But I don't think it's something to fuss over. I mean, it's not like they're ex-terrorists staring us in the face, right?"

"Oh come on, dog. There's "Still Standing", "Full House", "Reba", tha-that one where that black guy moves into a rich home and drives all of his family insane."

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"

"Yes, that's the one.

Just at that moment, Peter & Lois came downstairs, with their hair completely messed up and their clothes inside out.

"Oh my god, Lois, that was great. We haven't had sex like that in years." Peter said, sighing heavily as he fixed his hair.

"I know, the way you managed around in there and still kept it nice and tidy was just unbelievable!" Lois exclaimed happily, also fixing her hair. "It was like the first time we've ever done it!"

"I know, wasn't it amazing!?" Peter exclaimed, this time with a sense of disapproval in his voice. His smile soon started faded, until it was a total frown. "Oh who the hell are we kidding, Lois!? Our sex is going plain again! The spark is gone!"

"No, no, Peter, that's not true. I meant it when I said you do well keeping it nice and tidy down there."

"Oh, really?"

"Really. Look, maybe we've just gotten so used to Quahog that our sex is just getting dull. Maybe a trip out of Rhode Island is what we need."

"Yeah, yeah, that's all we need. See the sights, live the events, prank calling Jamie Lynn Spears while she's giving birth..."

"Wait, that was you!? The news reporters said it was Jodie Foster and George Wallas who did it."

"Nope. It was me. I just fooled everyone into thinking it was Foster and Wallas, just like I fooled the Brewery during the drug tests."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to a very hyper Peter walking up to his boss's, Angela's desk, with bags under his eyes and holding a cigarette. _

_"Mr. Griffin, I have your drug tests in my hands," Angela said. "But I must say, I don't agree with them. I mean, here you are, looking like you haven't slept in four days, and you have a lit cigarette in your hand. Mr. Griffin, have you been doing cocaine?"_

_Peter stood in dead silence for a moment before finally responding. "Um...no? I had a fight with my wife and I've been fighting thoughts of stabbing her to death by chewing on cigarettes."_

_"So you have been smoking."_

_"I didn't say that."_

_"You're high on crack?"_

_"No."_

_"You're saying I've gained weight?"_

_"I didn't s-wait, what?"_

_"I need to go on a diet?"_

_"Since when did this become a weight discussion?"_

_"So you're saying I'm fat?"_

_And with that, Peter punched his boss out and threw his cigarette on her unconscious body. "If by fat, you mean irritating and douche-baggy-ish, then yes."_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Come on, Lois. I've had ideas for road trips for years, but couldn't pursue them because the kids were born and you suck at using birth control." Peter took Lois's hand as they went back upstairs to discuss road trip options, while Stewie & Brian stayed on the couch.

"Is that why Chris's middle name is 'dream-crusher'?" He asked after they were out of sight (A parody of American Dad, where Hayley's middle name is 'Dream Smasher')

"Oh yeah. Peter and Lois were going to go on a road trip to the Grand Canyon right around the time Lois got pregnant with him. The resulting lawsuit in a broken condom led to the purchase of this house."

"Oh joy. Another memory for the books. Pretty soon we'll be filing Meg's suicide in it. Oh well, it probably was good that they didn't go. It probably would've turned out to be a complete disaste. Like those therapy tapes he tried to make but didn't finish and had other guys finish them for him. Those are made to help people and would've been complete disasters if he had stayed on and finished them. Now they're just racist.

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter watching a therapy video on racism._

_"Good evening, and welcome to volume 1 of my 15 volume series of online therapy. My name is Dr. Ripscalab, and today's session deals with racism. If you're white, do you ridicule black people because of their different skin colors, or because of their religion. Or maybe it is because of the way they talk. Does this apply to you if you're black when it comes to white people? If you've answered yes to one of these questions, you might be a racist. But we can fix that. Now, look at this next joke."_

_The TV scene then switched over to a desk, where two black people were talking to a white person who worked at the bank to discuss their financial problems._

_"Uh, this 401 case, IRA's, Roth IRA's, retirment funds, uh..." The bank accountant noticed the two black people, who were a couple, were snickering about something, but he didn't know what. "What is it?"_

_"AHHH! Ah ha, we just foolin' with you, man!" The black man said, laughing out loud like a gorilla. _

_"Yeah, we poor as sh#t!" His wife replied backing him up. And then the two continued laughing._

_"Oh ho, retirement investment! Oh!"_

_"Dumbass!"_

_"That ain't happening."_

_The scene switched the the therapist._

_"And how did that joke make you feel?" He paused for a moment. "Before you answer, look at this joke."_

_The TV switched to another scene, which was basically the same joke as before, but this time, the accountant was black and the couple was white._

_"Uh, this 401 case, IRA's, Roth IRA's, retirment funds, uh..." The bank accountant noticed the two white people, who were a couple, were snickering about something, but he didn't know what. "What is it?"_

_"AHHH! Ah ha, we just foolin' with you, man!" The white man said, laughing out loud like a hyeina. _

_"Yeah, we poor as sh#t!" His wife replied backing him up. And then the two continued laughing._

_"Oh ho, retirement investment! Ho!"_

_"Dumbass!"_

_"That ain't happening."_

_The TV once again switched to the therapist. "And how did **that **joke make you feel?" Another pause. "Are you learning something about yourself? Now before you answer, look at this joke." Once more, the scene switched to the same office scene, but with some guy in a black suit with a flower on his torso replacing the accountant, a lion replacing the man, and a guy in an Irish outfit playing all the instruments in a one-man band replacing the woman._

_The one-man band guy started playing some horrible tune while the lion attacked and eventually mauled to death the guy in the dumb black suit._

_"Well, if my calculations are correct, you have an erection, and regret that you never knew your great grandparents."_

**A/N: And that was the infamous 'Racism Therapy' sketch done on "Robot Chicken". It does not belong to me, and I take no credit for it. All the credit goes to the Robot Chicken crew for making it. I just thought it would fit the moment.**

_(End Cutaway)_

Just then, the phone rang, and Brian reached to answer it. "Griffin residence. Oh, hey Frank. Uh-huh. Yeah, he's here. Yeah, well, P-OK. Uh-huh. Uh-huh, I got you. Yeah, S-Yeah Stewie's here. Mmm-hmmm. Really? Really?" Brian's tone quickly turned happy. "Really? Wow, that's great. Hang on." He put his hand over the receiver. "Stewie, it's Frank on the phone. He's asking us to join him on a world music tour." Stewie's face went blank, unsure how to respond. Brian's expression grew dull. "We get to travel to all the famous towns and you get to sexually harass all the bitches you want." Still no response. "It's to raise money for finding a cure to Juvenile Diabetes." Again no response. "Our goal is to raise $10,000,000 by next year." Now, Stewie was growing angry.

"You know what, hell no. Hell no. IF you think I'm going to waste my time singing bloody show tunes with you and Frank, then forget it. Especially for other kids I don't even know. I'd rather spend my time looking at Lois's ass than singing with you...wait, that actually makes sense. I'd rather spend my valuable tim-"

"We get to keep 10% of the profits."

"10%-You mean to tell me if we make $10,00,000, we'll be swimming each in profits?"

"Um...yeah."

"Wow, just think what we could do with that money!"

"I know." Brian then went back to the phone. "Uh-huh. Ok. I'll te-I'll tell him. Thanks." He hung up. "Oh boy this is great! A world tour! This is just the rush I've been looking for!"

"Yes, and with that kind of cash, you could move to the Tri-state area and kill yourself with style. Maybe a ten-gate."

"What?"

"What?"

"That was just an estimate, and assuming we reach our goal. We don't know how much we'll be able to keep. And that's not for the entire thing, it's profits based on how much we raise in each stop."

"Well even if it's just 5%, Brian, really, if we make $250G's in our first stop, that'two Carmen Lopez careers. And even if it's just $12,500, that's still a lot of money. Think of what we could do with that money. We could retire and buy our own condos. Or our own condoms."

That joke was enough to send Brian into a laughing fit. "AHAHAHA! Oh my god, that is so f#cking funny! Condoms? Whe-Where the hell did you come up with that!? Have you been watching Robot Chicken again!? HA!"

Now Stewie was really blown up and he got in Brian's face. "The only flaw in that show," He hissed as he grabbed him by the neck. "is it's damn fifteen minute run time!"

* * *

_It seems today, that all you see  
Is violence in movies and sex on TV  
But where are those good old fashion values  
ON which we used to rely_

_Lucky there's a Family Guy  
Lucky there's a man who positivly can do  
All the things that make us_

_Laugh and Cry_

_He's...a...Fam...ily...Guy...!_

* * *

**Chapter 1: Big, Big News**

Later that same night, while everyone was eating their Chineese dinner, Brian decided to break the news to them. He tapped his wine glass several times with a spoon...until it cracked and spilled all over the table. That was enough to draw everyone's attention.

"Um, s-sorry, Lois. T-That was my mistake." Brian immediately said, not wanting to get yelled at. "Anyway, since I have your attention, I have an announcement to make."

"Whoa there, this isn't another one of those interventions, is it?" Peter asked.

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_Peter was sitting at the kitchen table, with his family, and friends standing beside him. He was wearing a foam cowboy hat, and apparently, has been, for the past eight months._

_"Peter, you've been wearing that foam cowboy hat for eight months now." Lois pleaded to her husband. "Please, for your family, take it off."_

_"Hey, hey I can take this thing off anytime I want to. I just don't want to." He told his family. But it was no good, as they were soon after him in seconds. "Get away!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"No, no, this is totally different. Frank invited Stewie and I to join him on a worldwide music tour."

"A music tour?" Asked Lois.

"Yeah. It's to raise money for a cure to Juvenile Diabetes."

"Oh that's great, Brian." Peter said in joy, though in reality he had absolutely no idea what Diabetes was. He believed it to be an STD. "See, Lois, there's hope. Now you won't have to worry about all that junk down there messing up you-"

"No, no, no, Peter, you moron. That's Gonorrhea. Diabetes is not an STD. It's an infection you get when your body isn't sensitive to insulin."

"Oh. Oh crap, you're serious? Ha, good thing, too. I once had this incident where I was a doctor and I had to diagnose this patient with Type II Diabetes, and I was thinking to myself "No way can this guy have Diabetes. He doesn't even have a vagina." Peter proceeded to start laughing again, until he saw the angry expressions of Lois and Meg, and then slowly began backing out of the room, and then eventually, took off out the door and into the streets.

"So...anyway, I was thinking, maybe you guy would like to join us."

"Well that sounds wonderful, Brian, but why?"

"Well, I overheard you guys talking about how you wanted more excitement in your marriage, and then Frank called with this offer, and I thought 'Why not'? I mean, it can't be worse than that time we all went to Sea World."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_The entire Griffin family was gathered around the Whale exhibit of Sea World. They were all ready to see a wonderous show that the whales have prepared for them. One of the whales have even greeted Lois with one of his whale kisses. But Peter took this the wrong way and instead punched the whale's lights out, greatly upsetting Lois._

_"And how long has this been going on!?" He called out, believing Lois was cheating on him with the whale...which would...pretty much be unethical._

_(End Cutaway)_

"Or that time we went to the Carnival..."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_A ferris wheel. It is supposed to be the most romantic ride of the entire fair. Unfortunately, for a combusted Peter (he's been lit on fire, in case you didn't know), it's just a painful road, and an embarrasing one for Brian, who was sitting right next to him._

_(End Cutaway)_

"So what do you say? We'd be hitting all of the famous spots and some unfamous spots. You guys up for it?"

"Yeah!" Chris yelled.

"Totally!" Meg yelled.

"That'd be great!" Lois yelled.

Just at that moment, Peter came back into the room, slightly haggard and beaten, with a truck tire around his neck, and his shirt ripped down from the left to the right. "Hey, Lois, quick question. Do we have any tylenol?"

* * *

So the next day, the entire family began packing their things to leave on their exciting new trip. Brian, Frank, & Stewie would be riding in a big tour bus that had a picture of them performing at the Cabana Club, while the family would be going in their family sedan.

"OH boy, Brian, I can't tell you how much this means to me," Peter began, delighted as the rest of his family. "I mean, I thought the grand canyon was great, but _this_...this puts a whole new meaning to the word 'great'."

"My pleasure, Peter. And who knows, maybe it'll put the spark back in your marriage with Lois?"

"Now hang on a sec. I don't know what the hell Lois told you, but that is completely false. The spark's not gone. We still have the urge to bang each other, but the stuff...it just ain't coming out."

"Um...OK?"

"No, I-I mean it. She is like, so damn how in that nightgown because it makes her butt seem larger than it really is, like Constance Marie, but I seem to get right in the middle of whamming my Oingo Boing in her Velvet Underground, and I back off, for like, no reason."

"And you find it appropriate to tell me this because..."

"Hey Peter!" Peter's name, Quagmire yelled to him, coming up from his house. "What's with the crappy bus? Goin' on a world tour?"

"Yeah, Brian's going on a music tour with the New Rat Pack to raise money to find a cure for Diabetes."

"Hey, that sounds like fun. And it's about damn time, too. I've banged too many chicks with dirty vaginas."

"No, Quagmire, you idiot-" Brian said. "Diabetes is a bl-"

"Hey, y'all!" Another one of Peter's neighbors, Cleveland, yelled, as he was coming up to them. "Ooh, nice tour bus. 'Children's Diabetes Foundation'. Wow, Brian, this is great. No more will us husbands will have to suffer the wrath of Diabetes infecting our wives' genetals."

Brian slapped his forehead in disgust. "Is everyone on this freakin' show a puppet?"

**End of Chapter 1.**

**Preview Time.**

**Next Time...**

The Griffins begin their world-wide adventure to raise money for Diabetes! And their first stop is in Danville, the home of the infamous Phineas and Ferb!

**Expected Update: **January 11th


	2. Dibs on Danville

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series**

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 2: Dibs on Danville**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb& Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to **

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

_Channel 5 news station..._

"Good afternoon Quahog, I'm Tom Tucker."

"And I'm Diane Simmons. And welcome to this special breaking news segment of Channel 5 news."

"We now go live to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawaforthe very latest. Trisha?" The TV switched over to a live shot of Trisha standing outsideof the Griffin home, with Brian next to her.

"Tom, I'm standing here with Brian Griffin, whom, to most classical music fans, will soon be the face of the news. You see, Brian, along with his fellow companions, Frank Sinatra Jr. & Stewart, are about to take a trip around the world to promote awareness of Juvenile Diabetes. You would be surprised how messy it gets down there. Their goal is to raise $10,000,000 by this time next year. So, Brian, is there anything you'd like to say to your loyal fans?"

"Um, yes." Brian said, taking the mic from Trisha. "First off, I'd like to say something about Diabetes. I had a friend who passed away from it because he was so overweight. This is for a good cause. Diabetes is one of the biggest killers out there in medical history today, right under cancer, heart attacks, strokes, and MSNBC. We're so close to finding a cure, and I will not let medical letdowns stop us from making that money. And for the record, "_DIABETES IS NOT A F#CKING STD!_" He shouted that last sentence into the mic, angry that everyone kept mistaking Diabetes for Gonorrhea. "Only a complete dick could get those two confused."

"Thank you, for those encouraging words Mr. Griffin, and we hope you have a safe and rewarding journey. Back to you, Tom."

The TV switched back to the news room.

"Thank you, Trisha. We'll have continuing coverage on this historic event on our website where we'll keep track of where they are in the world and how much money they've earned thus far. Coming up later tonite, in a seemingly related topic, why some medical experts are now calling Diabetes a Sexually Transmitted Disease. At 11."

* * *

And the Griffins were off, heading out into the world to seek out their first destination. Brian. Frank, & Stewie took the tour bus, while the rest of the family rode in the family car.

"Oh boy, this is the life!" Peter exclaimed while he was driving. "On the road, no rules, no lousy neighbors, and no way I could owe tbe Brewery any money for accidentally um...destroying their, um...mascot..."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to the PawtucketPatriot Brewery, where Angela is outside holding up a costume of a beer bottle up to Peter. The costume has a pee stain on it because Peter was drunk when he used it and believed himself to be an astronaut._

_"What, I thought you could just go in the suit. You know, like the astronauts!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"I'm looking forward to this trip." Chris remarked. "Not just because we're going to seefamous sights, but because it'll give me time away from the evil monkey in my closet." He looked outside his passenger window to seea small, green car drive up beside them. When it was close enough, the driver window opened up and revealed the evil monkey driving. He gave his usual pose to Chris, then rolled up his window and drove off. "AAHHHH!" Chris screamed.

"Calm down, Chris. It's only the color green." Lois said calmly, paying no attention to the monkey in the car next to her.

Meanwhile, Peter had dialed his cell phone and called Brian in the tourbus. "Hey Brian, look out your window!"

Brian, who was in the tourbus on the east side, did so. He looked out and saw Peter waving to him like an idiot. He then did the same with a sly smile on his face.

"This is awesome, Brian! You know, whe-when Chris was born, I didn't think we'd be able to travel like this anymore. But man, you sure proved me wrong!"

"Well, Peter, you can thank Diabetes. The non-STD that's gonna get us the money we need for those children. Look, we even have a new logo." Brian pointed down to the bus where a sign said 'Help Support Diabetes unless you're gay. No wait, even if you're gay. No Christians, though. OK, Christians.' (**It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One**)

"Wow, that's great. Hey, where are we going anyway?"

"Oh our first stop is in a town called 'Danville'."

"Oh boy, I hope their mayor isn't Jewish!"

* * *

_There's 104 days of summer vacation  
Till school comes along just to end it  
So the annual problem for our generation  
Is finding a good way to spend it_

_Like maybe!  
Building a rocket  
Or fighting a mummy  
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower_

_Discovering something that doesn't exist (Hey! )  
Or giving a monkey a shower_

_Surfing tidal waves  
Creating nano bots  
Or locating Frankenstein's brain (It's over here! )_

_Finding a dodo bird  
Painting a continent  
Or driving your sister insane (Phineas! )_

_As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do  
Before school starts this fall (Come on Perry)_

_So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb  
Are gonna do it all  
So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are  
Gonna do it all!_

* * *

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away, in a nice, suburban town called Danville, is where the next part of this tall tale will take place. It is the home of two very smart, young boys. Stepbrothers named Phineas and Ferb, and their sister, Candance, who is always trying to expose their plans, but somehow they always get destroyed because of the actions of their Platypus, Perry, who is secretly a government agent.

Their next-door neighbor, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, is good friends with them and has a major crush on Phineas. He is completely clueless most likely because of the fact that his ancestors (Family Guy, which inspired the show, and had the creator of the show be a former writer of "Family Guy") is a drunken Irish fool. She does help out in their schemes, but she does not make much of an effort to get Phineas's attention.

And speaking of crazy schemes...

"Hey Phineas," Isabella said as she strolled into their backyard, with hearts in her eyes. "Whatcha' doing?"

"We're making a spaceship." Phinease calmly replied, as he and Ferb continued modeling their new rocket. "We're going to see if there's any life on Mars."

"Well, I came over here to ask if you wanted to go swimming. I was gonna head down to the pool."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm kind of in the middle of something, here."

"Oh, OK." (**Rollercoaster)** Isabella turned towards the gate and started heading out, but stopped and turned back to Phineas. "Oh by the way, did you hear the news? We're getting new neighbors."

"Really? That's awesome. Who are they?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is that there's this classical music band called 'The New Rat Pack' coming into town and our new neighbors have something to do with them."

"Maybe they're their lackies." Ferbsaidquietly, under his breath.

"Well, whatever. It doesn't matter anyway because it's a new adventure for us. New friends, new people to meet--"

**_CRASH! _**Suddenly, there was a crash heard in the front yard, and it took Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella by surprise. "And new accidents." Phineas commented before they stopped what they were doing, dropped their things, and ran out to seewhat the commotion was. Their sister, Candace, who was insidethe house on the phone, also ran outside.

It turned out to be a car that slammed into the garage of Phineas and Ferb's house. The car was a pink sedan, which turned out to be Peter Griffin's car. Not too far behind them, parked on the streets, was the tour bus Frank, Stewie, and Brian were riding in. Only seconds after the crash, a drunken Peter came out of the car, holding a beer can in his hand that was slightly crinckled and half empty.

"He-ee-eey, I'm on vacation!" He yelled, his speech very slurred. "Hey nice ass, dick!" He yelled, pointing to Candace, who took this very offensively, even though she had no idea he was intoxicated. Just then and out of nowhere, he broke into Christmas Carols, getting the words completely wrong. "_On the 12th day of the Holocaust my bitch she gave to me, 7 giant penises, 6 giant penises, 5 gi-i-iant penises..." _And then he collapsed onto the floor, but came back to his senses seconds later.

"I thought we took out all the beer from the car and stuck it in the bus's fridge?" Frank asked Brian.

"We did. He must've snuck in some booze when we weren't looking."

"And, come-come on, what the hell!?" Stewie raved. "If you're going to break out into random Christmas Carols even while intoxicated at least get the words correct so you don't make a total idiot of yourself!"

Peter walked up to Isabella, who was quite frankly confused at the situation. Peter, though aware of his surrounding, was still drunk, and had no idea of what he was saying. "He-ee-eey, what have we here!?" He walked around Isabella several times, observing every part of her body. Literally. "Wow, this is incredible. Hey, Hey has anybo-has anybody ever told you you have a sweet ass? _hahahaha_"

"N-N-No?"

"Well you do! Oh god that is huge. No, no, no seriously, that is a huge ass! Am-Am I right? Huge ass! B-Boy, so-so why do you still look like a virgin?"

Isabella was quickly becoming mortified, and Brian, who has dealt with Peter's stupidity since day 1, brought over a metal baseball bat, lifted it, and swung it hard at Peter's head. The blow did not knock him unconscious. Instead, it knocked Peter out of his drunken state. He finally came to his sense and lookeda round, seeing a horrified Isabella.

"Whoa, Brian, I just had the weirdest dream that you invited us on a world wide tour to promote the dangers of the STD Diabetes and that we arrived at our first stop and I started sexually harassing this ten-year old girl."

"Peter, that wasn't a dream. It all happened. In fact she's right here." Brian introduced Peter to Isabella. "Peter, this is um..."

"Isabella. My name's Isabella."

"Oh wow, that's incredible! Did anyone ever tell you you have a sweet, huge ass?"

Brian sighed in defeat, drew his bat, and smacked Peter hard again, this time knocking him out, and then he dragged him over to the side of the house and gave Isabella a paper bag to hyperventilate into.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family was introduced to Phineas, Ferb, and Candace.

"And this is our little boy, Stewie." Lois said, introducing the gang to Stewie, one of the singers in the 'New Rat Pack'.

"And how old are _you_, little man?" Candace asked in a baby-ish tone.

Stewie, however, was not amused at all, like most babies would be by her tone. "How many fingers am I holding up, sweetcheeks?" He asked angrily as he gave Candace the finger.

"Um...one?"

"Well, there you go. An answer to both questions."

Candace looked up and saw the tour bus with the words 'New Rat Pack' on it. "The New Rat Pack? Oh so what is it, like, an extermination business?"

"Um, no." Frank said dryly. "We promote classical music."

"Ha!" Candace snorted. "I'm sure you do! Look I've heard that one before! So why don't you prove it?"

"OK, you wanna see some classical music? Fine, listen to this!" Brian shouted, as he cued Frank to turn on one of the record players inside, and soon enough, music was heard outside, to the tune of Frank Sinatra's **I've Got You Under my Skin**. (Which I take absolutely no credit for at all)

_**Brian: **I've got you under my skin  
I've got you deep in the heart of me  
**Frank: **So deep in my heart, that you're really a part of me  
I've got you under my skin_

_**Frank: **I've tried so not to give in  
Ive said to myself this affair never will go so well  
**Brian: **But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know so well  
**Both: **That I've got you under my skin_

_**Both: **I'd sacrifice anything come what might  
For the sake of having you near  
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night  
And repeats, yells in my ear_

_**Frank: **Don't you know you fool, you never can win  
**Brian: **Why not use your mentality, wake up step into reality  
**Both: **But each time I do, just the thought of you  
Makes me stop before I begin  
cause I've got you under my skin_

As the song ended and Brian & Frank concluded and dropped their mics, everyone started cheering, including Isabella. Candace, however, was not amused. She believed they were lip-syncing, and then ran into the bus and started tipping things over. Everyone ran inside to see what the commotion was.

"Jeez, what the hell is with this broad?" Frank asked.

"Hey, hey, what are you doing to our van!?" Brian yelled in frustration.

"How do I know you weren't lip-syncing the entire time!?" Candace yelled, officially having gone insane. "I'll find the proof! And when I do, you'll be out of business. I don't even know how you could have a business with a stupid, old little prune-" She stopped digging around when she found a macaroni painting of a giraffe made by Stewie. "A little dwarf who can't make no art!"

"_HEY!_"

"And a washed-up little mutt who dresses up like a Nazi during the Holocaust!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" Said Peter, who had just regained consciousness from being hit in the head. He was pissed to hear Candace insult his dog like he did. "You can talk about my daughter like that, but not my son! Now apologize!"

"HA! I think not! Why would I apologize to some moron who can't even decipher his own children apart!!"

"Oh! Oh that's it!" By now, Peter had reached his boiling point. In an act of rage, he grabbed Candace's neck, and twisted it, nearly breaking it in the process. A cracking noise was heard, and Candace fell to the ground, unconscious, but not dead. Peter suddenly realized what he had done. Everyone in the bus gasped in surprise, but did not take any immediate action. Instead, Peter calmly walked out of the bus, uttering to Frank, "IF the boys ask, she's taking a siesta!"

* * *

Later that day, Frank & Brian had left and went downtown to the mall to set up for their next gig, which would be that same night. Stewie had stayed behind to explore the neighborhood and see if he couldn't cause a little bit of hell there. Peter, Lois, Chris, and Meg moved their things into their new temporary house, while Stewie snuck into Phineas and Ferb's backyard to see what they were up to. It turns out they were working on their rocket that Phineas and Ferbweretalking about earlier. Isabella, along withher girl scout gang, the Fireside Girls, were helping them out.

Stewie had initially planned to throw a grenade into the rocket to blow it up to tick Phineas and Ferboff. But, when Candace came around with a video camera and started secretly video-taping them making the rocket, his genocidal instincts kicked in.

He away and up behind Candace with a web-blasting gun that he 'bought' from Tobey Maguire and a gun. He shot the blaster at the camera while she wasn't looking, and took it away from her.

"Hey!" She yelled as soon as she noticed it was gone. "What's the big-" She stopped as soon as she turned around and saw Stewie standing there, the loaded gun in his left hand and the tape in the right hand.

"So-" He began, as he smashed the tape in his fist. "It's all out in the open now, isn't it?"

"Whoa, what's with the gun and the angry Hitler look!?"

"Oh so _now_you're interested in Stewie. Earlier today, when you found that macaroni painting of a giraffe, you didn't give a damn!"

"That was a giraffe?"

"Yes, and now we're going to look at it again." Stewie ran over to Candace and kicked her hard in the shin. She fell to the ground where Stewiehit her in the head again with the gun. He then took out from his back pocket the very macaroni picture of the giraffe. "**_LOOK! LOOK! DO YOU LIKE IT!?_**"

"Ye-Yes..."

"**_WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT IT SPECIFICALLY!?_**"

"I don't know."

"**_PICK SOMETHING OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!!_**"

"I like...how it looks like a giraffe...?"

"**THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT**!" He then left her for dead, pissed as hell. She then started bawling in fear, as she truly had no idea what Stewie was capable of. **(A reference to the much anticipated episode 'Lois Kills Stewie')**

He soon, though, retraced his steps and returned to Candace. "Get up off the floor, you sly pig." He helped Candace off the ground. "Come, walk with me. Talk with me..."

Stewie led Candace back into her room, and set up a couple of chairs, and he put on his performance suit and sat down in one of them just like a therapy session.

"Alright, then, let's take it from the beginning." Stewie said, taking out a clipboard. "Now, I'm going to say a word, and you say the first word that comes to mind. Alright, let's begin: Science.

"Torture."

"Brother."

"Idiocy."

"Abortion."

"Excellent!"

"Mommy."

"Whore!"

Candace shouted the last word, and at that point, she covered her mouth, ashamed of herself for saying that about her mother. Stewie, however, found this hilarious.

"Whoa, you too. You're matricidal too!? Oh this is great!"

"No! I just hate it that every single time I try to show mom what Phineas and Ferb are up to, the evidence disappears and she thinks I'm crazy!"

"Well let her think that. Really, I don't see what the big deal is. You told me that they once carved your face in Mount Rushmore? **(Candace Loses her Head)"**

"Yes."

"And that they also fixed up your old treehouse? **(Tree to Get Ready)**"

"Uh-huh."

"Now see, that's stuff I wouldn't be ashamed off. You should appreciate the things your brothers do for you, even if they are sometimes wacky and retarded. And don't worry what your mother thinks. Just ignore it and when she finally does discover their genius, you can mock her for it. And then when she's dead you can prance around like a little hooker and call your mother a whore as many times as you want. That's what I plan to do at my mother's wedding in about 8 years."

"How do you figure 8 years?"

"I put a time bomb in her uterus just before I came out. It was my first act of violence in the real world. Happy fiftieth birthday, Lois. (**Lethal Weapon**, the episode) Though it might've been de-activated from her periods after that. Well, regardless of when she dies, I'll be there, and I can picture the day as if it had already happened."

_(Cue Flash Forward)_

_We cut to a church, where the casket of 50-year old Lois Griffin lies. All of her friends (very few) and family were gathered at this private memorial to honor her death._

_"Ladies and gentlemen, before we bury Mrs. Lois Griffin in her final resting place, her son, Stewart Gilligan Griffin, would like to say a few words on her behalf." The priest said into the microphone, and then stepped down to allow 10-year old Stewie to take the podium._

_"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen." Stewie took out a piece of paper. "Lois was always a complex woman. She was a frequent smoker, um, she took drugs when I was in her womb, and she's been known to rape my father at least twice a year, though ironically at the age of 49, she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia.I never really understood why doctors could be such douchebags when it came to that kind of stuff. Though I can say this: it is a shame that we have lost a beloved mother, wife, best friend, transvestite hooker, but if I have only four words of advice to give to you people to avoid this happening to you, it is this and this alone." After a short silence, Stewie pulled out a blowtorch and aimed it at Lois's casket. "**FIRE IN THE HOLE!**" And then he pulled the trigger, and a flare of fire came out of the nozzle. Everyone in the church ran away with such fear and anxiety._

_(End Flash Forward)_

"Look, Candace, the point I'm trying to make is to appreciate what your brothers do in their spare time. So what if their plans are a little queer and strange. It's not a crime to be different like that. Unless you're Michael Jackson. But instead of trying to expose their plans to your mother, just acknowledge them and ignore your mother. Otherwise, you'll just spend the rest of your life going insane over your brothers' schemes, you can save the insults for your mother as you cruicify her at her death bed for being a transsexual."

"Whoa, I totally understand. you...except for that last part." Candace sat up from her chair and smiled. "You're saying I should be grateful I have such genius brothers?"

"Precisely."

"Well that makes sense. It'll save me a lot of stress." She stood up, as did Stewie, and shook his hand. "Thank you so much, Mr.-"

"Griffin. _Dr. _Griffin."

"Dr. Griffin. Thank you so much." She reached for her purse. "Let me see how much money I have on me-"

"Oh no need. The only payment I require is my hopes that this session will keep you warm on the inside as you spend the next 10 years in **Frozen carbinite**!" He yelled as he pulled out a gun and shot a pink blast at Candace. Seconds after that, she was encased in a block of pink carbinite. (A reference to the highly liked episode **Chitty Chitty Death Bang**) Stewie then ran to her and grabbed her purse out of her frozen hand. He opened it up and found her wallet, which contained a lot of money in it: $1,000 to be exact.

His eyes suddenly widened by the sight of the money. "Whoa! I've never seen this much money in my life! Except for when the fatman invested in that flying hottub that ended up cutting him in the nuts."

**End of Chapter 2!**

**Next Time:** Frank & Brian begin start setting up for their first gig in Dansville. Plus, Peter starts causing some havoc in the town, and Brian helps Isabella with her romance troubles.

**Expected Update: **January 7th.

**Happy New Year! 2009!**


	3. Talent or no Talent

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series**

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 3: Talent or No Talent**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**RXR! I need more hits, even though it's only been 3 days!**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, at the Googolplex Mall, Frank, Brian, along with Isabella and her girl scout troop, the Fireside girls, were helping out to set up the stage for their first appearance at the mall.

"Excuse me, Frank," One of the Fireside girls called out while carrying a stereo speaker. "Where do you want this stereo?"

"Right there is fine."

"Boy, Frank, this is gonna be great." Brian said in joy. "Our first gig and already we have fans. And just think how much money we're gonna raise in a mall."

"Yeah, but I'm worried that we're not going to get a lot of visitors tonight." Frank complained. "After all, classical music isn't liked as much as it was back when my father sung it."

"Are you kidding? You heard those kids back there. They loved us. Except for that teenaged bitch, but I'm sure Stewie's set her straight by now."

"That was only a half dozen grade-schoolers, Brian. This'll be hundreds of teenagers and adults listening to us. I'm just saying that the attention span of teens have prevented them from enjoying classical music."

"Don't worry, Frank. We'll blow them away later today!"

* * *

Brian was right on the money with the whole 'blow them away' thing. The audience was blown away, alright. But at the destruction caused to the stage in the mall, not at their performance.

"Oh my god!"

"What the hell happened here!?" Brian exclaimed, as he and Frank were surprised to see that the stage of scorch marks on it, and some of the drapes on it were disintegrated.

"Didn't you hear?" One of the teenagers said to him. "Someone intoxicated drove their car in here, and crashed into the stage, causing it to burst into flames. "Boy, I was really looking forward to 'the New Rat Pack'."

"Really?" Brian suddenly smiled.

"Yeah. I haven't seen good magic in years." Brian's smiled faded into a scowl quickly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go steal a girl's shoes so she can rape me." The teenager left the scene, leaving a very perplexed Frank & Brian.

"Magic? He thinks we're magicians? Is everyone over the age of 13 on this show a tool?"

"Yeah, and what kind of an ass steals a girl's shoes?"

* * *

So in defeat, Brian & Frank returned to the neighborhood. They strolled by Phineas and Ferb's house to see Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Stewie, working on their rocket.

They went inside to investigate why Stewie was helping Phineas and Ferb with their rocket.

"Hey guys," Brian said cheerily, though on the inside, he was depressed.

"Oh hey," Phineas called without turning away from his work. "What are you guys doing here? I thought you'd be at the mall giving your performance or something."

"Well, we would, but some ass torched the stage and burned the drapes so we got cancelled until tomorrow night." Frank said angrily. "When I find the douche that did that, I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind."

"WHoa, whoa, Frank, there's no need to get homicidal or anything. It's probably just a bunch of rogue teenagers trying to piss off the new guys."

"Or it could be the fat man trying to act like a teenager again just like when President Clinton came along."

"Oh he was an idiot!"

"I know! He acted like an even bigger idiot than the time Lois put him in time out for exploiting his genitals at the breakfast table."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to the bedroom of Lois and Peter, where Lois is just about to walk into the room and see if Peter is ready to come out of timeout, though the door is closed._

_"Peter, it's me." She said as she knocked on the door. "Your time-out is over. You can come out, now. I just hope you've learned not to masturbate in front of your kids." She knocked again, no answer. "Peter, don't give me the sil-AHHHHHH!" She opened the door and screamed as soon as she saw Peter hanging from a noose attached to the ceiling. What she didn't know was that it was a dummy. "Oh my god, Peter!" She ran over to 'Peter' and felt him. The dummy was cold, like any lifeless body. "Oh my god, I had no idea how sensitive you were about punishment! Peter!! Peter, please, this is not funny!!" _

_Lois was now in tears, as she hugged the dummy. Peter then came out of the bathroom holding a starting pistol. He held it up and shot the ceiling, scaring Lois._

_"Peter!!" She gasped as soon as she saw her husband alive. Her tone of voice though quickly shifted to have a hint of anger and happy in it. "**What the hell is the matter with you!?** I thought you were dead!"_

_"You had a glimpse into the future, Lois." He said calmly, with his hands on his hips. "This is the horrible future that awaits you if you ever put me in time-out again!"_

_"I only put you in for ten minutes!"_

_"It may have been ten minutes to a cold hearted synic like you, but to me, it would've been an eternity. MAURY SHOW RULES!" He proceeded to run towards the window and jump out, thinking it was open. Unfortunately, it wasn't, and he instead, broke the glass and fell to the ground._

_(End Cutaway)_

"So, boys, and Isabella, do you have any ideas of how to raise money?" Frank asked them. "Our overall goal is to raise $10,000,000 by this time next year, and this is our first stop, so we want to make a good impression."

"Ooh, ooh, I've got an idea!" Stewie yelled, jumping up and down to get Frank & Brian's attention. "How about we take this beautiful young chick to a strip club and whore herself out to 1000 fat guys for $20 each. Or, or 20 _really _fat guys for $1,000!" Brian & Frank glared at Stewie, as did Isabella, even though she wasn't quite sure if he was talking about her or Ferb. "What!? Oh come on, so I learned something from Quagmire. He may be strange and disgusting, but at least he not a homosexual." **(Fish out of Water)**

"Um, I was thinking more along the lines of a talent show." Isabella said softly.

"A talent show. Isabella, that's a great idea!" Brian shrieked. "We-We could ask people around town to sign up and broadcast it on live TV so other people can make donations. It'll be a Telethon/Talent Show."

"Yeah! We could go for an entire night, people could show off their talents, or maybe just make complete fools of themselves, and then we throw stuff at them." Frank said.

"And we could have a buffet ready for people if they get hungry or horny." Brian added. "This'll be great! We'll spread the word at our next performance. Anyway, Stewie, what were you doing back here anyway?"

"Oh I was helping the boys build their rocket to Mars." Stewie showed them three boxes, one red, one blue, and one black. "I've been building these three boxes to stabilize the rocket's components and seperate the controls so it'll be easier to steer in space. The red box controls the direction, which is handled by a red knob in the rocket, the blue one controls speed which is handled by a blue knob, and the black box with a picture of Frosty the Snowman humping a wooden chair leg is just Frosty the Snowman humping a wooden chair leg. Enjoy."

"Wow...why would y-"

"You know, originally, I was going to have Superman masturbating in front of Taylor Swift, but for the love of me, I can't draw anyone except for Frosty the Snowman, and for some reason, Batman. So, there you go, Frosty humping. God, I have not felt this awkward talking to you since I traveled on the land of Milk and Cookies."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Stewie Griffin sitting on a giant cookie riding along the stream of milk with Lava Girl and Shark Boy. Stewie can't help but stare at Lava Girl for all the wrong reasons._

_"Is there anyone here who hasn't had a 'C'-section!?"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Oh by the way, my mom invited your family over for dinner, sorry we didn't get a chacne to tell you earlier." Phineas said, slightly disturbed by Stewie's cutaway. "Hope that's OK."

"Oh yeah, that's great." Brian said with a small hint of sarcasm.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, it's just that Peter is not good with meeting people. He tends to soil himself at the worst times."

"Yes, yes, and he makes the dumbest comments ever!" Stewie shouted. "Why can't he go one dinner without making a stupid comment. This show, after all is called _Family Guy's Road Trip_, not _White, Dumb, Fat Guys Never Shut the Hell Up_!" (A break in the 4th wall and a reference to the episode **Brian Does Hollywood**)

"I hear that." Stewie and Brian high-fived.

"By the way, have any of you guys seen Perry?" Phineas asked.

"You mean that retard playtpus you have as a pet?" Stewie asked.

"Yeah."

"No I haven't. Not since this morning. He got hit by a bus."

"Oh my god!"

"No, he didn't get hurt. He got stuck to the front. It was one of those old-timey travel buses that people used to get hit by but instead of getting hit, they'd splooge all over. I saw the whole thing happen."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Phineas and Ferb's pet platypus, Perry, walking along the front yard. Suddenly, he stands upright, takes out a hat, and puts it on, and starts running towards the mailbox across the street. But he is stopped abrutly when an oncoming bus crashes into him, and instead of running him over, it simply carries him several streets over._

_(End Cutaway)_

"But I'm sure he'll be fine. After all, how much trouble could a Platypus get into?"

Meanwhile, over on the other side of the US, back in Rhode Island, the bus had taken Perry to a baseball field. The bus stopped short, and Perry had flown off the bus onto the field, near the pitcher's field, which just so happened to be Glenn Quagmire, Peter's preverted neighbor. His other neighbors, Joe Swanson, a handicapped policeman, Cleveland, an African American bachelor, and other guys Peter didn't know, were playing.

"Hey Joe, I found the ball!" Quagmire yelled. "Here's a curveball coming at you!" Quagmire threw the ball at Joe at about 85 mph, and Joe was able to hit it with great force towards the middle field, where Cleveland and some other guy were at. They both ran for the ball, yelled "I got it!", held up their gloves, crashed into each other and then fell to the ground. "Damn! That's the fourth time, today. Hey, if you're gonna catch the ball, call it, you jerks!"

"Hey, at least I don't have sex with men!" The stranger guy that fell unconscious yelled.

"Hey up yours, you jerk!"

* * *

Back in Danville, the Griffin family along with the Flynn family (minus Candace of course, since Stewie froze her in a block of ice) and Isabella were having steaks for dinner, and having heavily dirty conversations between each other. Isabella did not take much interest in their stories, and spent most of the time staring at Phineas. But when Peter got up to bat, her attention span shifted so fast it wasn't funny.

"OK, OK, how about this!" Peter said, having his own dirty train of thought in mind. "OK, so a 21-year old prostitute/alcoholic with a clean medical record as far as STD's and a 50-year old nymphomaniac with 20-year cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and 7 STD's including The Clap, HIV, and Hepatitis C, walk into a strip club and they meet up with a 35-year old registered rapist who's hit more than 50 victims, and has had a gall bladder transplant, and a 42-year old who's been smoking pot, Shrooms, X, Meth, and Dust for 30 years ever since he turned 12. Now the men and women go into the bathroom stall, which has just been used by a guys with aids, and each take turns having sex with each other."

"Peter, maybe thi-this isn't the best time for this joke."

"Not now, Lois, I'm on a roll."

"But Peter, there are 9 and 10 year olds in the room. They don't want to hear a story about prostitutes and rapists having sex with each other."

"I know that, that's why the story's not like that. The guys are girls take turns having sex with each other, and then proceed to have sex with _each other_, cause they're gay."

Lois, along with everyone was now really mortified, except for Stewie & Brian, who have heard this joke several times and have gotten used to it. Brian, who was sitting next to Isabella, and saw that she was close to throwing up, stopped her. "You better hold that in, hon. The story's only going to get worse."

"OK, so they have sex with each other, 12 times each to be exact, and that's straight, _and _gay sex. Ok, so after they're finished, they head out because it's closing time. But before they get out, the 21-year old prostitute bumps into this 60-year old fat person who was in the middle of having an erection, and before they can separate, they love the feeling of his being in hers, so they have sex there. But what they didn't know was that the 60-year old man had Herpes and a tumor the size of my fist. Now, which one of the four gets AIDS?"

The entire room stared at Peter in shock. Lois, Mrs & Mr. Flynn, and Meg drop their jaws, while Ferb, Meg, & Chris simply look stunned. Stewie didn't look fazed though on the inside he was about ready to explode. Brian, simply looked at him and said, "Peter, th-tha-that's not a joke. Th-That's just wrong."

"Wrong! The 35-year old rapist develops AIDS while he was having sex with the 42-year old pothead after he touched the sink that the guy before them that had AIDS used to wash his hands. _BUT!_But, a week after that, the 42-year old gets rabies after going camping, the 50-year old goes on to be a serial killer, and the 21-year old prostitute catches the Clap, gets pregnant, and has a baby who develops a brain tumor. So she kills the baby by repeatedly humping its nipples, dumps the body in a lake, then travels to New York and hangs herself on the statue of liberty."

"How sad..."

"**BUT! **The rope breaks before it chokes her and she falls a thousand feet into the ocean, and drowns to death. There you go."

By the end of Peter's idiotic rant, Stewie looked fed up and ready to burst, Lois was mortified, Meg was shocked, Chris was stunned, Ferb & Mr. & Mrs. Flynn looked mortified with their jaws dropping, Phineas had ran out of the room, and Brian wasn't impressed. Isabella, however, was a different story. After failing to hold it in, she jumped out of her seat, ran over to the trash can, and threw up in it several times. Peter, however, thought she was doing some Indian ritual.

"Hey, come back, Indianabella!" he shouted, getting her name completely wrong. "This is a great story! They were all like, **_Pow! Right in the kisser!_** to each other. **_Pow! Right in the kisser!_** **_Pow! Right in the kisser!_** **_Pow! Right in the kisser!_** **_Pow! Right in the kisser!_**" As he kept shouting it, Isabella continued vomitting.

"Um, Brian," A mortified and scared Stewie asked Brian. "Ho-How many times has that girl thrown up?"

"I lost track after 33."

Finally, after 45 vomits, she finally passed out. While Peter continued shouting, Brian called 911.

And sure enough, five minutes later, the police and the ambulance arrived. The ambulance took Isabella away for testing, while the police took Peter in for questioning.

"Oh come on! Haven't you guys ever heard of an abortion story?" Peter asked as he was dragged away into the police car.

* * *

The next evening, Frank, Brian, & Stewie had gone to the mall to make their first appearance in Danville. They opened up with 'I've Got you Under My Skin' and ended with 'Rhode Island'. (If you've head the song in the episode **Brian Sings and Swings**, you should know who sings what line, but in case you don't, Frank had the first line, Stewie has the second line, and then Frank, Brian, & Stewie all have the last line)

"_We go together there's no mistake!"_

_"Like a bowl of chowder and a big clam cake."_

_"'Cause we love Rhode Island!"_

Brian was worried that no one in the mall would like their song, but they were rewarded for their great work with a standing ovation from everyone. "Thank you, thank you." He said into his mic. "Um, if you'd like to see more of us, we will be performing at the Danville - Fireside talent show to support Diabetes. Diabetes is a dangerous disease that kills hundreds of thousands of people each year, but you guys can help out if you want. Our goal is to raise $100,000 here. For $20, you can watch the show, for $40, you can perform, and for $5 a ball, you can take a whack at sinking Howie Mandel."

Sure enough, just to the side of the stage was a dunk tank with Howie Mandel on a pedistal and a guy trying to knock him down.

"We'll be broadcasting the entire thing in live HD television so if you can't make it here next week, you can still donate money from home with beautfiul color!"

* * *

The next day, Brian & Stewie were on the sidewalk by the house, nothing to do. They were surprised and delighted when Isabella came strolling down towards them, despite being put in the hospital the previous night.

"Hi guys!" She greeted cheerfully.

"Hey, Isabella, good to see you on your feet and not hooked up to a machine." Brian joked, getting a chuckle from Isabella.

"Yeah, me too."

Brian was surprised to see a piece of celery in one of her hands, half eaten. "Hey, what's with the food? Diet or something?"

"Oh no. The doctors were just really concerned with me because it turns out I lost 12 pounds from all that stuff I threw up last night." Isabella lifted up her shirt halfway to reveal a skeletal structure of her torso, her ribs practically popping out. Brian was not only mortified, but impressed slightly as well.

"You know you'd be considered a goddess on _The Biggest Loser_."

"Yes, I agree." Stewie agreed. "It's just a shame that Kim Lyons and Jillian Michaels are lesbians and Bob Harper doesn't know the difference between an Oboe and a racist."

"Anyway, my doctors were just worried about my weight, because now I'm really below where I should be, so they suggested I eat more." She lifted up her arm and took a small bite out of her celery.

"You mean get more calories than you burn?"

"Mm-hmm."

"But y-you're eating celery. That doesn't have many calories in it. Or fat, for that matter."

"Oh yeah? Well," Isabella quickly took a look around to find something to defend herself with. "Your master over there is eating his own beer can!"

"Oh you're exaggerating."

"No, Brian, she's right. He really is." Steiwe pointed Brian in the direction of a drunken Peter, who was in the process of taking another bite of his already half-eaten beer can, this time the metal part.

Brian sighed in defeat and cupped his eyebrows. "OK, it's official. God is mocking me."

"Yes, he's mocking you with the fatman and all that. _What the bloody hell does God have to do to finish you off!?_"

**End of Chapter 3!**

**Oh my god, you have no freakin' clue how long it took for me to come up with Peter's rant! I actually had to use inspiration from other FG episodes to put that all together! This is truly an awesome chapter IMO! But you guys need to voice your opinion on it! Whether you hate it or like it, voice your opinion. If you don't review, you don't care.**

**Next Time: **Brian decides to help Isabella with her difficulties of asking Phineas out. Plus, Peter causes even more trouble in the city of Danville. And, Frank, Brian, & Stewie prepare for the talent show.

**Expected Update: **I go back to school this Monday, so say around January 10th.


	4. Mayhem by a Fat Guy

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series**

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 4: Mayhem by a Fat Guy**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**RXR, please! I need more hits, even though it's only been 5 days! For some reason, the site says I've gotten only 20 hits, but that's impossible because I've got 6 reviews! I think it's just a technical difficulty. But either way, please keep Reading & Reviewing! Your thoughts are kind and appreciated.**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

Meanwhile, underground in a secret location, Perry the Platypus had secretly been able to return to Danvilleand sneak underground to a top-secret lab with all sorts of technology in it. He put his brown fedora on to assume his secret identity. There was a big screen at the end of it, where his secret agent boss, Major Monogram, appeared.

"Ah, Agent P. Fashionably late I see" He said over the intercom on his side, as Perry gave a wink. "We've just receieved word that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has just bought a bunch of old classical music records from the music store."

Perry teeth chattered, asking why it was so important.

"Why this is important? Well word on the street is that Danville has the 'Rat Pack' or something in town, right? Well Dr. Doofenshmirtz only bought the records made by Frank Sinatra or his son, Frank Sintra Jr. We need you to investigate what he's up to."

Perry gave him a salute, and then ran back the way he came.

He popped out of the mailbox he was planning to jump into earlier, and started crossing the street back to his house, but was stopped when he was once again, hit by a bus, and carried all the way over to Rhode Island.

He once again ended up on the baseball field where Cleveland, Quagmire, and Joe were playing on. Quagmire picked him up when he went into a ball form. "Hey Joe, I found the ball again! Wonder where it keeps rolling off to." He threw the ball at 87 miles per hour at Joe, who once again hit the ball with great force over to middle field.

This time, however, Cleveland and the other guy did not make an immediate run for it. Instead, they were sitting on the ground, in hopes they wouldn't crash into each other. But once the ball fell closer to the ground, they couldn't resist. So they stood up, yelled "I got it!" simultaneously, and, just like before, crashed into each other and let Perry fall to the ground. Perry then uncurled out of his ball and walked away, upright, though no one seemed to notice. Quagmire did, but not in that sense.

"OH COME ON!!" Quagmire yelled, slapping his forehead hard. "_That's the bloody fifth time today!_" He took a look around the field looking for the ball. "And where the hell did the ball go!? God, we keep losing the ball! Hey just because you're black doesn't mean you're retarded, Cleveland! You're even more pathetic when it comes to baseball than Peter was when it came to quitting playing video games!"

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter Griffin holding a PS3 game controller in his hands that is attached to a cord that is 450 ft long and plugged into his PS3. He did this so he could play video games while on the go. He opened his car door, got it, and started driving, and while he did that, he started driving with his feet while his hands were on the controller. _

_"Ha ha, take that you spiderman freak!" He said to himself, thinking he was playing a Spiderman game._

_But in reality, the controller was NOT plugged into the PS3 at all. Instead, it was plugged into the bathroom plug where the hairdryer goes. Lois had just entered the bathroom as well, so when Peter pressed the analog button on his controller, all the lights in the house went out._

_"LOIS!!" Stewie yelled from another room. "The fat man's trying to play computer games on the go again!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

Back at Phineas's house, Peter had just strolled into the backyard, while drunk. He was holding his 17th beer of the day in his hand, as he stopped and gazed upon the rocket ship that Phineas and Ferb had built. Despite being drunk, he was amazed at their work. He took a step inside and saw the amazing controls they set up.

"Holy crap, if this is an actual working rocket, then I've been missing out." Peter said in astonishment. He truly admired the work of those boys. "Aw jeez, I wish I was as smart as those boys were when my family and I were our own independent nation."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter and Brian in the backyard of their home, or as of now, the south side of Petoria. Brian is holding a match in his hand while Peter has his feet tied down with duck tape, and has 3,000 balloons tied all around his body._

_"Peter, are you sure about this?" Brian asked. "This seems incredibly unsafe."_

_"Of course I am, Brian. O-Ok, Ok, so it's not the fanciest & best space program ever, but it's the safest way to get to the moon. And besides, this is all we could afford on a budget of $42."_

_"How did you afford 3,000 balloons for just $40?"_

_"Oh do not get me started on that. OK, go!" Peter gave Brian a thumbs-up, and just like that, Brian lit the match and held it to the tape. The fire began burning up the tape and as the flames got closer to Peter, Peter began feeling incredible about his space program. He was going to get to the moon the fastest time from when a nation is discovered in world history. The plan worked, sort of. The duck tape did melt away off of his feet allowing him to lift off the air, but in the process, also lit himself on fire as well._

_"AHHHHH! HAAHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he shot up and up and up into the sky: 200 feet, 300 feet, 500, 1000, 2500, 5000, 10000! He just continued rising at an alarming rate. His entire family went outside to see if he would make it to the moon._

_For 10 minutes, it looked like it would. But...as soon as Peter hit the stratosphere, all 3,000 of his balloons popped at the very same time, causing him to plummet to the Earth at a life-threatening fast pace._

_(End Cutaway)_

"Wow, this thing has everything!" An impressed Peter exclaimed, as he started pressing random buttons, opening up cup holders, vending machines, and life-size cut-outs of Simon Cowell. "This place has everything! Cup holders, snacks, even Drew Barrymore! This is outrageous!" His smile suddenly turned to distress when he accidentally spilled his beer all over the controls. Electric sparks started shooting out of the controls, as a computerized voice started playing.

"Malfunction!! Malfunction!!" It kept saying over and over. Peter started panicking. "Self-destruction in 10...9..." Peter didn't wait for the countdown to start running out of the rocket. Five seconds later, it took off into the air, never to be seen again. The only thing left of it was the leftover beer that dripped from the engines onto the ground.

Peter immediately started panicing as he put a believable story for the boys, who just so happened to walk into the yard to see their rocket fly away. Peter immediately saw them, and before Phineas and Ferb could question him, he started yelling "Hey come back here, you son of a bitch! If you ever get back to Earth, I'll find you and kick your ass!!"

Phineas and Ferb were confused. "Hey, what's going on?" Phineas asked. "What happened to our rocket?"

"Did you touch anything in there?" Ferbasked, this being one of the few times he opens his mouth.

"What!? T-N-No! Never! But I saw who did! It was Michael Vick!"

"Who!?"

"Michael Vick. He was an animal abuser arrested for pet neglect & abuse. He was in the neighborhood just now, and this stray puppy ran across the street, and he goes after it with a knife - holy crap, that actually makes sense." Peter whispered that last part to himself. "So the puppy runs into your rocket and Vick goes after it with a knife, and he starts stabbing all the stuff in there, and causes a technical malfunction, which causes the rocket to take off, leaving Vick in there with the puppy. Boy I tell you, that really grinds my gears."

Isabella and Brian then entered the picture.

"What happened here?" Isabella asked.

"Oh someone named Michael Vick destroyed out rocket."

"Oh no, that's terrible." Isabella said sadly, with some tears in her eyes. "You worked so hard on it."

"That's OK, Isabella. There's always next time. Besides, this gives us more time to focus on what we're doing tomorrow."

"Really? Like what?"

"We're gonna get our old band back together, "Phineas and the Ferb-Tones" and perform in next week's talent show Do you wanna help out?"

"Sure! I'd love to! Anything to be with you, Phineas-"

"What?"

"Um, I mean, anything to...uh, show my mom how great I am at singing!" Isabella covered for her little slip up. Phineas seemed to believe it, as did Ferb & Peter (Who merely thought Isabella was acting like a Protestant). Brian, however, saw right through it.

As the gang all left the backyard, Brian pulled Isabella to the side. "Isabella, wait. Can I-Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure. I've got all day. My mom's not home anymore, so I have the whole house to myself."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She left a note saying she went on some sort of business trip for a few months. I don't know why she would just get up and leave without at least saying goodbye. Plus, there was some blood on the walls & floor, but I reckon it was an accident because my mom is a tad clumsy."

"Oh she is, is she?" Brian immediately knew what had happened the night before, even though Isabella did not give any specific details...

_(Cue Flashback)_

_It was 4:30 in the morning, and everyone in the neighborhood was asleep. Everyone except Peter Griffin, who went out to drink earlier that night. He was just now returning home after having 22 beers. But he was so drunk he forgot which house was his. He start prancing around like a drunk until he stumbled upon a house that wasn't his, __though his instincts told him to go in anyway. So he climbed through one of the windows and snuck in, trying not to disturb 'Lois'. _

_"Hey, Hey Lois." He whispered to 'his wife'. "I-I'm sorry I was gone for so long, but damn this place has such awesome bars! You-You really should check it out." He then, without warning, started undressing himself, preparing to seduce his 'wife'. But before he could, 'Lois' started moving around, and eventually yawned and sat up._

_"W-What the hell are **you **doing here, Jerry?" 'Lois' said sleepily, as she turned on her lamp. "I thought I kicked your ass to the cur-" She turned the lamp on to discover Peter naked in her house. Peter discovered he was not in his own house. He was instead in the house of Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, and he was about to seduce her mother, Mrs. Garcia._

_"AAAAHAHHHHHHHH!" The two immediately started screaming at each other, though after a few seconds, Peter ambushed her and asphyxiated her with a plastic bag over her head. She had trouble breathing and eventually went unconscious. Then Peter panicked even more and hid the body in the trunk of his car, went to the heaviest wooded area in Danvile, dumped the body, returned to Isabella's house and wrote a fake note saying she went away on business._

_(End Flashback)_

"And that is why I had to leave on a three monthbusiness trip to Maui to discuss Muslim rights with Senator John McCain." Stewie said, as he read the alleged note aloud to Brian & Isabella. "_Do you think the fatman could've been molested as a child and that's why he's all messed up?_" Stewie asked, automatically knowing it was Peter who was responsible for Mrs. Garcia's disappearance.

"It's so werid, but I guess my mom's gotta do what my mom's gotta do." Isabella remarked, completely clueless.

"Yeah, I guess she does."

"Well hang on, Brian. Peter may not even be responsible for this." Stewie said to Brian. "Maybe it really isn't him. Her mother could've been lying to her and she's really out seeing someone."

"Yeah, you could be right."

"Trust me, I am." he then turned to Isabella. "So, what's her name? OH! OHH! Oh, did you see that!? Did you see what I did, Brian!? I just made a-I just made a gay joke right to her face! Did you see that? That was-What was that? That was incredible! I didn't think I had it in me."

"Stewie, you're a bitch."

"Yeah, well up yours, dick."

Stewie walked away withhis head held high, as Brian sighed and cupped his forehead. He turned to Isabella. "So, anyway, I wanted to talk to you for a moment." The two of them started walking into the street. "I couldn't help but notice you're, uh, kind of good friends with that Phineas kid."

"Well yeah. He's smart, funny, and I love to help him out in his outrageous plans, like making snow **(S'Winter)**, building a roller coaster **(Roller coaster)**, making a giant bowling ball. **(Bowl-R-Rama Drama)**"

"So why don't you ask him out?"

"What?"

"What? You guys seem like good friends. He seems to like your company, and you enjoy helping him out with his crazy schemes. I, for one, am not so bright when it comes to his plans. Building a robot to save his job money, becoming an independent nation, the time he built that Medival Catapult,"

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter Griffin sitting in his MedievalCatapult that he bought with his entire work paycheck. It was set up far, far from his house and he had no idea where he was aimed at. But he didn't care. He pulled the string anyway and launched himself in the air, giggling. His giggling, however, soon stopped where he saw where he was heading, and before he could scream, he crashed into it. He crashed into the front of his neighbor, Cleveland's house. _

_The entire front of Cleveland's house was destroyed when he crashed into it, and as he fell down to the ground, so did the debree from his house. It revealed that he was in the bathtub when they crashed into his house, and when they fell, so did the debree holding up the floorboard._

_The floorboard started tipping towards the ground and his bathtub started sliding. "No, no, NO, NO, NO, **NO!**" He yelled as his bathtub with him in it fell to the ground, the tub breaking in the process. "Peter, what the hell could you doing that could possibly explain this!?!?!?"_

_"Cleveland, shut up! I'm trying to be a Medieval douchebag!"_

_"Well you're doing a good job so far! Oh no, don't tell me! You didn't get rid of that f#cking catapult, did you?"_

_"Oh you can read me like a book!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

"Anyway, why do you get so shy around that boy. He's just like any other 8 year old boy with a step-dad: drooly, spontaneous, homicidal." (With the word 'Homicidal', I'm actually referring to the 8-year old boy that is accused of killing his father and his friend by shooting them.)

"I don't know. He's just so open to everything, and he's never resentful of any good ideas. I know I'm his best friend, but there's always that part of me that thinks he doesn't like me that much."

"Come on, I bet that's 100% not true. You don't seem like one of those stuffier, uptight girls that all the boys in school hate, but on the inside they just want to f#ck them in their sleep. And then when they wake up they go 'Hey wait a minute! You're not the same whore from last night. Get outta my bed'. And then they go 'But yes I am. Don't you remember? We had sex, and you drew on my face with a magic marker the word 'doucehbag' on it?' THAT WAS ONE BLOODY DAMN TIME, CAROLINA RHEA! ONE F#CKING TIME!!" Brian raved and panted as his anger went up. Suddenly he had gotten into a rant and blew off the subject completely.

After he was done panting, he realized what he had said, and saw Isabella's confused and petrified face. "Um, s-sorry about that. I-I kinda had a one-night stand with this girl, and um..."

"Look if there's a point to this, can you please get it. I have to get home."

"I thought your mom was on a 'business trip'." Brian put into quotations the words 'business trip', but Isabella didn't notice.

"She is, but Saturday nights are 'Two are a Half Men' nights."

A short pause. "Today's Wednesday."

"Oh."

"Look, yes, there is a point to my rambling. I thought I could offer you some advice."

"But...you're a dog."

"Yes, and you're a lower-class striper."

"What?"

"I may be a dog, but I'm not clueless. I can date whoever the hell I want, and I know how to do it, 'cause I've had more dates than Peter's had erections. Anyway, I know about dating, and I can give you helpful advice. Look, do you consider him your friend?"

"Well, yeah."

"Does he resent you when you're around him?"

"No!"

"He comes up with all these crazy plans, right? And you help him with them no matter how life threatening they are?"

"Of course."

"Then you have nothing to worry about." The two of them sat down on the sidewalk just in front of Isabella's house. "Look, the best advice I can offer you personally is to just come out with it. I mean, don't go up to him with a bullhorn and yell 'I LOVE YOU!' into it, because 1, that's just going to scare him, and 2, people will start to be scared of you. Trust me I know. Instead, sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. Who knows, he might feel the same way. He might not. But you'll never know unless you try."

"I-I guess you're right. But-But what if I scare him and he doesn't want to my friend anymore?"

"Hey, I've been here for how long, now?"

"Um...3 day?"

"Yeah, and I've seen a lot happen in three days. My point is, just try, alright? You don't have anything to lose, after all. You still have your career life, ahead of you. Peter lost his chance when his grandfather, Jay 'go f#ck yourself' Griffin put us in the Great Depression.."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter's grandfather, Jay 'go f#ck yourself' Griffin, walking into the New York Stock Exchange holding a beer in his hand. He is extremely intoxicated, but ready for work._

_"Hey, g-guys, wh-what's happening!?" He exclaimed with an extremely slurred speech as he walked into 4 angry men in suits. "Ready to do some exchanging here? Y-Y-You k-know, money, products, semen,"_

_"Mr. Griffin, you know the rules. All alcohol beverages are prohibited in the Stock Exchange."_

_"Yeah, I read those rules. It also said it's forbidden for people to act like dicks." Jay said, taking another sip of beer._

_"Mr. Griffin, we have put up with a lot of your idiocy, but this time you've gone too far. So either leave that can of beer behind or leave the Stock Exchange."_

_"Oh no. I'm not going to just the Stock Exchange. I'm going to crash it! HAHAHAHA!" Jay then ran out of the room, laughing maniacally, and in just seconds, everything on the inside is on fire, and everyone is running amuck, trying to figure out what to do, while Jay is outside, laughing his head off and sipping vodka._

_"AAAAHAHHHHAAAHH! HHHAAAAA! THE STOCK MARKET IS CRASHING!" One of the workers yelled as he clinged to one of his trading screens._

_(End Cutaway)_

Brian checked his watch. "Whoa, it's already 8:00. Wow, time flies when you're talking with a friend. Listen, it's getting late. You should probably head inside and get ready for bed. You've been through a lot this week so far."

"Yeah. OK, I'll see you tomorrow, and I'm definitely coming to that talent show next week."

"Awesome. Good night."

"Night." Isabella yawned as he went inside her house and immediately put on her pajamas and went to sleep.

"Nice girl, she is." Brian said to himself. "Why do I get the feeling that by the end of this stop, Peter's going to accidentally kill her?"

"_BRIAN!!_" A shrill voice came from the distance. Brian turned around to see that it was Stewie calling him. He came up to him running. "Brian, there you are. I have great news! You know Tom Higgenson, the lead band member of 'Plain White T's', famous for their song 'Hey There Delilah'?"

"Um, yeah."

"I just ran into him. He's in town, and I showed him the flyers we made, and he asked if we could perform at the telethon/talent show."

"Really? Whoa, that's great! Everyone loves the Plain White T's."

"Yeah, especially the gays. And the only things he requested were that we rent out a disco ball for slow dancing and that he could slow dance with Jennifer Hudson."

"Y-You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. But, I already cleared with Jen, and she said yes too, and the Disco ball should be delivered the day before. My god, Brian, it's going to be a Talent show/dance/telethon, or as they call it in Rhode Island, Monday night at the Clam. A Donkey, a bitchy-wife, and steroids. What will he think of next?"

"A cure for the common cold?"

"Ha! Yeah, when Platypuses fly!"

Both Brian and Stewie shared a joyous laugh for a moment, but was short lived when they heard the sound of a jet-pack going, and they looked up to see Perry the Platypus flying in the sky going right past them.

"Brian..." Stewie said to the dog, slowly handing him a gun. "Please take this gun and beat me down as hard as you can. And if I start bleeding, just keep hitting me."

* * *

That same night, Isabella woke up after trying to fall asleep for several hours. She opened her window to let in the fresh air because the night breeze felt really good on her.

The entire night, she kept pondering about the advice Brian had given her earlier that day, and it was driving her crazy. She looked over at her clock, it read 4:26 am. She was very tired, but she couldn't take it anymore. She had to tell Phineas how she felt. So she got up, dressed herself, and then ran downstairs. When she ran downstairs though, she saw CIA agent Stan Smith (Star of 'American Dad') and his 'friend' (the alien) Roger playing Poker with others and having beers. Isabella paid no attention to them and ran out the door, though Stan noticed immediately.

"Stan, how'd you get stuck babysitting some whore?" Roger asked, smoking a cigar.

"I don't know. I hear that this middle-aged mother goes missing around here on an alleged 'business trip'..."

_(Cue Flashback)_

_Peter Griffin dragged the bag of Isabella's mother's unconscious body through the heavy wood. He had accidentally asphyxiated her after wrongfully undressing himself in front of her, thinking she was his wife, Lois. _

_He had gone 100 feet into the woods, straining himself with the bag when suddenly, he spots another bag exactly the same as the one he has. So he put down that bag and went over to the other one._

_"Ha, poor sap. Must be going through what I was." Peter said as he picked up the bag. And as he did, a human skull...an actual human skull of a small child rolled out of the bag onto the ground. Peter was petrified and did not move for a second. It was so quiet only the buzzing of the flies could be heard. "Uh-oh." He finally said after a long silence. He then put the skull back in the bag, put it on the ground, and then silently walked away._

**A/N: That entire cutaway right there inter-twines with the events of the murder of the Florida toddler who went missing, Caylee Marie Anthony. She was allegedly left with a baby-sitter, says Casey Anthony, but she was not found until December 11th, 2008, when a Meter Reader (The exact same meter reader, I should add, that called authorities 3 times earlier in August) went into the woods about 15 houses away from the Anthony home and discovered a bag of a full set of skeletal remains of a small child that were later indentified as Caylee Anthony. **

**Caylee Anthony: 2005-2008. Best wishes for the grandparents, George & Cindy Anthony.**

_(End Flashback)_

"And then I get this call from a fat guy saying he's this girl's father and asks me to baby-sit her while he's on vacation and she's on business."

"Wow, that's gotta suck." One of Stan's friends said.

"Yeah, tough luck for you."

"Uh-huh." Roger agreed.

"Yep." Stan agreed. A short silence before he spoke again. "OK, show of hands, we ditch her." Everyone at the table raised their hand, including Stan. "The car's in the garage!" They all got up and started running. "GO, GO, **GO!**"

They all started going out to the garage to get into the car, but once they saw Isabella not too far from there, walking to Phineas's house, Stan shot out a flare gun out to the sky to distract her. It formed a star in the sky, which distracted her long enough to get everyone into the car. But as they got onto the street, Roger had spilled some booze into the gas tank, causing the car to explode. As they all got into a cat fight with one another, Isabella continued to walk towards Phineas's house.

When she finally reached Phineas's house, she was nervous. She wasn't sure if Phineas would still want to be her friend, or want to see her, or even why she was doing it at 4 in the morning. But she had to get it off her chest. She took in a couple of deep breaths to calm herself down.

Meanwhile, just a few blocks away, Peter & Brian were driving down, coming home from a night of partying & drinking.

"Brian, I tell you, this is the life." Peter said happily. "Drinks, friends, Jordin Sparks, just what a man wants when his wife becomes a bitch."

"Amen to that." The two toasted each other before sipping. "Oh, you're coming up on the house, Peter."

"OH yeah, right. Thanks." Peter then proceeded to turn his steering wheel right. But, shockingly, and for no freakin' reason, his steering wheel broke off the car as soon as he turned it. "Sh#t!"

"H-How the hell does that happen? How does a steering wheel just brake off!?"

"I don't know-" Suddenly the car began swirving a bit. Lucky Peter was only going about 10 mph, so it wasn't that bad. But still, Peter & Brian were getting nervous. "Oh crap!"

"Peter, the brakes!"

"Oh right!" Peter dove down into the pads and started unscrewing the brakes, even though Brian really meant for him to step on them to stop the car. "Here you go!" Peter held up the brakes for Brian to see. At first he didn't really notcie. But a second glance practically gave him a heart attack. "All I had to do was unscrew two little wires."

"No, Peter. I meant slam the brakes!"

"Slam! Great idea!" Peter then slammed on the gas, causing the car to speed up and swirve right into Isabella's direction. Seconds later, Peter had hit Isabella straight on and knocked her unconscious.

**End of Chapter 4!**

**Whew! My longest chapter yet! Over 5,200 words! And I'm not stopping here. More to come, so keep reading & reviewing! I've got 25 hits, and it's only been less than a week. Keep them coming!**

**Next time: **With Isabella injured, will this mean Phineas and the Ferb-Tones is cancelled? Will Peter confess? Will Isabella finally confess her love to Phineas? And what does Doofenshmirtz want with all those music records?

**Expected Update: **January 9th.


	5. Where for Art Thou, Isabella?

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series**

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 5: Where For Are Thou, Isabella??**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

Meanwhile, over on the other side of Danville, Perry the Platypus on his jetpack has made his way over to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., where his arch nemesis, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, resided. He broke one of the windows and jumped in, making a dramatic entrance and surprising Dr. Doofenshmirtz.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise." He said evil as he turned to face him, while behind him was an old record player. "And by that I mean...no really. This is an unexpected surprise. I didn't commit any crimes and I'm not scheduled to do that until tomorrow."

Perry marched up to him and took the record out of his hands and inspected it. It was entitled 'Live in Chicago', an old record of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and others who were part of the group. Perry was curious.

"Oh, this. This is a record of me performing with my old buddy, Frank Sinatra." Dr. Doofenshmirtz said, trying to look happy on the outside. But on the inside, he was hurt. "Oh forget it, Perry the Platypus. I can't hide it any longer. Yes, I am a 'Rat Pack' fan. I have been ever since I was a wee-lad. But when they broke up, I was devestated, and I even rebelled! But instead of getting them back together, I got arrested! And ever since then, I'm the evil genius your see today."

Perry chattered his teeth again. (What the hell does a damn music group have to do with your evil scheme?)

"I already told you, I'm not scheduled for an evil scheme until tomorrow. But when I heard Frank Sinatra Jr. was coming to Danville, I became estatic and took out all of their records and started listening to them. I even bought some more from the Mall. What? I may hate the New Rat Pack personally, but that doesn't mean I have to hate their music. They're really quite good."

Perry chattered again. (Wow, what a moron!) This time, he took out a piece of oak tag and a magic marker, and wrote something on it. Doofenshmirtz was curious to see what he was writing. Perry held up the card when he was done. It had the word 'Douchebag' writtin in bright, green letters. "OK, now you are just being a jerk!" Doofenshmirtz yelled, clearly not amused.

Perry chattered yet again. (You know, Frank's going to be in town until next week)

"Really?"

(Yeah, and he's performing in a talent show)

"Really? That sounds interesting. I am most eagered to meet up with him again."

(I know. What a loser! Never be friends with a guy with no life.)

"Hey, do not make fun of him, Perry the Platypus. He is a very talented man. Maybe not sober, but definetily talented! Don't make me get out the disinti-vaporator out!"

* * *

Meanwhile back in Danville, Peter was stressing over having just running over Isabella with his out of control car.

"OH crap, Brian, I'm screwed!" He yelled to his dog. "My name's going to be mud from here to Jessica Simpson's homeless shelter!"

"OK, a) Jessica is a wealthy woman and b) calm down. We can work through this together as long as we don't panic."

"You're right, Brian. Don't worry, I've already got a conveluted plan." Peter grabbed Brian's arm, and then with his hand, pressed a button on his watch, and in seconds, everything around them had slowed down dramatically, almost freezing.

Brian was astonished. "Peter! Wh-Wh-What the f#ck did you do!?"

"You like it? Yeah, it's that fancy-crappy watch from the movie 'Clockstoppers' that makes us move really fast but it looks like everything's frozen in time. I bought it off of e-bay! This thing could sell for $1300, but I bought it for $40! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, it is. Now I know God's mocking me."

"Don't worry, here's the plan. OK, I have a gun in my back pocket," He took his gun out. "So I'm going to use this to make it look like this wasn't my fault. Now, you put on this hippy disguise," Peter took out a fro and a hippy costume and gave it to Brian. "And get in the car. Then I'm going to use this blue spray paint," Peter took out a blue spray paint bottle. "And spray paint the car blue, because I see over three blocks somebody saw this. Then you get in the car and drive off while I start shooting in your direction. That's when I deactivate the watch's effect. Now, when you get out of everyone's sight," Peter took out a spray paint bottle that had the same color paint in it that matched the car's color. "Re-paint the car its original color, then get back home so nobody suspects a thing. Oh," He took out duck tape. "Put this over the license plates so the police don't catch it."

Brian was surely shocked. He had no idea Peter could be this smart and yet act so retarded. "OK, so if you could figure all of this out in just 90 seconds, how the hell did it take you 43 years to pass the 3rd grade!?"

"Simple. Up until I was 8, I lived in Mexico, so I went to school there. But when I moved to America, the cut-off date for school threw me off, so they moved me to 4th grade instead of 3rd grade."

"Again, I ask, how the hell did it take you your entire life to pass 3rd grade?"

So they each followed their steps of the plans as follows. Peter put duck tape on all the license plates, and spray painted the car blue. Brian put on the hippy disguise and got into the car. Peter then handed off the magenta spray can to Brian whom them drove off far away. Peter deactivated the watch, which returned all things time related back to normal. The guy who did see the events happen, was confused when he saw the blue car drive off, and Peter start shooting in his direction.

Peter yelled to the guy to call 911, which he did gracefully, and within minutes, the police were there at the scene to take Isabella back to the hospital. The disturbance caused all the neighbors to wake up, even Peter's own family.

"What the hell happened out here!?" Phineas asked after being told of the news.

"Yes, it looks like a circus act died out here." Ferb commented, again a rare time he speaks.

"Yeah, or perhaps OJ Simpson finally cracked." Stewie commented, tired. "No seriously, what the bloody hell was so important that it had to disturb my dream where Gwen Stafani is my butler and I have sex with her every night and then ultimately kill her because she utters the words 'Hollaback Girl' too many times."

"Peter accidentally ran Isabella over." Brian whispered to Stewie as soon as he got back after spray painting the car again, taking the duck tape off the license plates, and parking it in their garage. Stewie seemed very surprised.

"What!? Well that's great news! Why didn't you come get me!?"

"He-He asked me to help him cover up the crime scene so he wouldn't go to jail."

"WHAT!? Brian, are you out of your tequilla-drinking, sex-having, f#cking goddamn mind!?" Stewie yelled. "You never, ever, EVER try to cover up a crime scene like that! Though I've got to admit his plan was good. And yet it took him 40 years to pass grade school."

"Sad."

"Very sad. Even sadder than the time he tried that space-shuttle funeral for his step-father."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to an open ground where there is a giant spaceship out in the open with Peter's father, Francis, who is deceased, strapped in it. There are friends & family gathered for the ceremony._

_"And although my dad was an obnoxious, selfish, self-centered bastard," Peter said, concluding his memorial speech about Francis. "We will all truly miss him-" At that moment, everyone incluidng Peter hung their heads in regret until Peter spoke again. "Because when Hailey's comet passes in 70 years, will all be dead in the ground."_

_"P-Peter, what the hell are you doing!?" A shocked Lois asked from the audience._

_"I programmed the shuttle's coordinates to blast right into Hailey's comet in about 2 1/2 minutes so his dead corpse will be engraved in the asteroid. He'll always be with me. OK GO!" He pulled out a remote, pressed a button and expected the shuttle to blow up into the sky. Instead it just blew up into millions of pieces, and Francis's ashes were scattered across Rhode Island. "HOLY CRAP! Why the hell didn't he tell me he had The Clap!?"_

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

The next morning, Phineas immediately went to the Danville hospital to see Isabella with his mom, Linda Flynn, along with Peter, Chris, Meg, Brian, Lois, and Stewie joining them. Ferb chose to stay home and help Frank out decorating the park for the upcoming Rat Pack dance/talent show/telethon. Phineas was carrying a small bouquet of roses for Isabella.

"Um, excuse me, sir," Phineas asked the man at the desk quietly, not trying to sound desperate. "I'm looking for a friend of myine. Isabella Garcia?"

The doctor showed no response.

"The girl that got ran over last night?"

"Ah, yes, the one hit by that blue sedan driven by a fat Mexican drunk that has congested lung failure?"

"Hey, I'll have you know us fat guys take full pride in our weight and our STD's, and we don't take critizism well. And us fat guys can drink a case of Buswiser in 10 minutes flat. So stuff it up your dockers, Mr. Wiseworth Doucheinton 5th!" Peter shouted to the guy. He was very careful with his choice of words as to not reveal that it was him who did it, though.

"Peter, lung failure is not an STD-"

"Don't try and defend him, Brian. He's a negro, just like all of you jazzy-jingle douchebags."

"Peter, have you been smoking pot today?" Lois asked, slightly angry.

"No. But I brought some along in case the boy with the weird lesbian hair-do and the girl get intimate with each other."

"PETER!"

"What!?"

Phineas and the rest of them could not help but shake their heads in disgrace. Phineas turned to the doctor. "So, is it OK if we can see her?"

"Well yes, but her injuries were serious. Not life-threatening, but serious. She's hooked up to a machine that feeds her fluid to the lower extreminies of her body since they were the most damaged in the crash. Therefore, it is imperative that I only allow you to visit her two guests at a time. It's the second floor, room 228."

"Any of you guys wanna go first?"

"No, hon. You're her closest friend and you know her best. You should go." Lois told the boy.

"Thank you Mrs. Griffin."

"I'll go with him." Linda said as Phineas handed her the bouquet of roses, and Lois, Chris, Meg, and Stewie took off in another direction.

"And we'll check out the cafeteria. I hear they serve tator tots here. Peter, Brian, would you like us to bring you anything back?"

"Tequilla, please." Brian commented.

"No thanks, I'm good." Peter requested no foods or drinks because he was a bit depressed at what he's done the past few days. He made Isabella throw up and lose a lot of weight, sexually harassed her (intoxicated and sober), caused Phineas and Ferb's rocket to take off without them, and seemingly killed Isabella's mother.

"What's wrong, Peter?" Brian asked, though he knew the answer. "Depressed?"

"Um, yes!" Peter answered with a sarcastic tone. "I made that girl puke, ran her over, and a whole bunch of other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

"Secret stuff."

"Peter, what the hell have you done?"

"Oh ok. I accidentally sexually molested her mother after I came home that one night from drinking. I climbed into her bed by mistaken and mistook her for Lois, and then when I found out who it was I asphyxiated her and dragged her out to the woods."

"WHAT!?"

"Don't worry. I'm sure she's fine. I gave the bag air holes."

"Yeah, but draggin her body out to the woods. That's not exactly a good idea."

"Yeah, and not only that, but _I _was the one that blew up the boys' ship and blamed it on Michael Vick."

"Peter, that's a-Michael Vick?"

"Yeah."

"H-How the hell did you come up with him so quickly."

"Oh don't ask me. I don't even know how I blew it up. Everything happened so fast. I-I'm not good with moving to a new town. I-I get all nervous with people and I end up doing extremely stupid stuff that brings harm to people and then I try to cover it up just like I did with the hit & run."

"Wow, Peter, is that true?"

"HAHAHA!" Peter immediately started laughing his head off and grabbed Brian's shoulder. "No, no, Brian. I-I'm just jacking you!" He slowly stopped laughing. "N-No, but in all seriousness, I did do some stupid stuff. The hell am I going to do?"

"Well, Peter, you have two options. A? You can confess to everyone that you did all those things, or B) Let the police find out and you'll be dragged on your ass to prison."

"No way! I am not going to prison again! It was too painful the last time. Too painful."

"Peter you went to jail for 7 days." **(Tales of a Third Grade Nothing)**

"Yeah, but still, it was very painful. Like that time I tried to play pool."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to a pool rink where Peter is approaching an open pool table with a pool stick. He has no idea how to play the game. So instead of racking the balls up like any normal person, he instead swings the stick down onto the pool table and scatters the balls everywhere. He then took the 8 ball off the table, found a sucker, and threw the ball at his head, then choked him with another ball._

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

Meanwhile, upstairs, Phineas managed to find Isabella's room. He knocked on the door twice, until he discovered it was already creaked open, with a nurse standing in there. So he opened the door and saw Isabella lying there in her bed, half awake-half asleep. She was awake enough to see Phineas walk in with the flowers, which he placed on her bed for her.

"Hi Phineas!" Isabella was very depressed since arriving at the hospital, but she cheered up greatly when she saw Phineas come visit her.

"Hey Isabella. Wow, you don't look so good." Phineas replied seeing Isabella hooked up to a machine that was feeding fluid to her distraught body.

"I know. You try being hit by a car and tell me how it feels."

"No thank you. I want to keep my legs completely in tact before the big talent sho-oh crap!" Phineas smacked his head in anger & regret. "The 'Diabetes Talent show/dance/telethon' is in four days!? I completely forgot! We were going to perform as 'PFT' again with you as the lead singer." Phineas started panicking at what to do, because he didn't want to do it without Isabella. Then a doctor who had a clipboard came in, to whom Phineas approached. "Excuse me, doctor. Will Isabella be fixed before this Sunday?"

"Well, son, I can tell you the injuries were not as serious as the damn media is speculating..." The doctor said angrily, though not directly at Phineas. "She'll be out of the hospital with full mobility in about a week, but I'd watch her feet as far as dancing or running or any of that stuff for at least a month. With these kinds of incidents, it could really take a while for the legs to properly heal."

"OH, that's too bad. Isabella and I were going to perform in the talent show this Sunday."

"I see. How cute, a little boyfriend/girlfriend duet, I see."

"Huh? No, nothing like that. We started a band together and Isabella was the best singer we had."

"Sure..." The doctor replied with a sarcastic tone as he left the room, before he bumped into the wall just before leaving. Phineas turned around and went back to Isabella's bed and climbed on to give her comfort.

"Do you really mean it, Phineas?" Isabella asked him. "Did you really mean it when you said I was the best singer in the band?"

"Of course I did, Isabella. I wouldn't say anything that wasn't true, especially to you."

"Aw..."

"Besides, we've shared so many fun times together, the time you got the hiccups and I built that haunted house to cure them, the time you guys helped me entered that race derby, or how about when I saved you from that bank robber..."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to the Danville city bank where a guy in a black mask is holding up the cashiers for their money. The guy, strangely though, was only about 3 ft tall._

_"Listen up, people! All I want is the freakin' money! Give me the cash, or I'll shoot! I ain't kidding, this is the real deal!" He held up the gun to the ceiling and pulled the trigger once to show everyone that he wasn't fooling around. This freaked everyone out as they all started running around._

_The cashier handed the robber the money back as he took it and ran out the door. But he didn't get too far before he was stopped by Isabella. _

_"Now you stop right there," She shouted as she put her hand out to stop him. "You go return that money, mister! It's not yours!"_

_"Go to hell, you oversized bitch!" The robber yelled as he kicked Isabella in the shin and caused her to fall to the ground. He went to throw another punch to her, but he didn't get the chance beause Phinea stepped in the way._

_"Hey, punk! Go pick on someone your own size!" He yelled, trying to defend Isabella, to her most delight. Unfortunately, it wasn't a good idea to say because he just then realized the bank robber was a dwarf, just about his height. "OK, now that I think about it, that was a **really **poor choice of words." The dwarf then proceeded to kick Phineas in his groin area (his nuts), which caused him to fall down in sheer pain as the bank robber ran away._

_(End Cutaway)_

"And you know what the worst part was? That tbank robber was later revealed to be Chuck Norris's son."

"Who the hell is Chuck Norris?"

And as fate would have it, Chuck Norris came in through the window looking very ticked off at Phineas. "I am. You people know nothing of my work. Oh, and just for the record, I've had two sons and a daughter, and all three of them are at normal height." Then as legend would have it, Chuck Norris hit Phineas right in the jaw with a fist that was where his chin should be. (**Boys Do Cry)** He then left the scene without another word.

Phineas recovered, though, rather quickly. "WEll that was weird. What were we talking about again?"

"We were talking about how you were thinking of not performing in the talent show this Sunday?"

"Damn right! I'd rather drop out and not go on at all then perform a single hit without you."

"Really? Oh that's so sweet, Phineas."

"I mean it. You're the best singer I've ever met, and there's no way I'd do anything without you. In fact, it's hard to imagine my life without you." Phineas said regretfully. He fully new what he had said, but still, he couldn't help but blush. Isabella was taken back by this. She had no idea Phineas really felt that way about her. "Or..Ferb." He quickly added.

"Aw, thanks."

"Your welcome. I gotta get home. My mom's making meatloaf tonight." Phineas jumped down from Isabella's bed and headed for the door. "OH, and enjoy the flowers."

"Phineas, wait!" She yelled just before he left. He turned around and saw her upset face. "I couldn't imagine my life without you, either!?" She yelled, very upset. Phineas's face suddenly lit up as Isabella came to grips at what she had just said. She covered her mouth, but quickly took her hand away and finished. "Or...Ferb." Phineas chuckled, as he left the room, leaving Isabella to rest.

**End of Chapter 5!**

**Coming Up: **The Talent Show/Telethon/Dance begins! You won't believe what retarded acts we managed to get here!

**But Next Time:** We find out just exactly why Isabella has such a thing for Phineas, and Peter manages to go up a level in idiocy.

**Expected Update: **January 16th, provided that the Story Traffic page does not go screwy again!


	6. The Life and Times of Isabella

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series**

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 6: The Life and Times & Isabella**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

The days until the talent show went by quickly, and before she even knew it, Isabella was allowed to go home and continue recovery there. Though her legs were able to carry her as she walked, she still decided to stay in bed most of the time in her pajamas because she was very depressed about the whole situation.

Since her mother was nowhere to be found, she had to take care of herself for the moment, and as a result, she developed a small fever, 99.7.

Sunday had finally arrived before she even knew it, and she still wasn't any happier. She spent the entire day just watching TV or going through her diary for old photos of her past adventures with Phineas. The sight of the pictures with her and Phineas in them managed to cheer her up. Anything having to do with Phineas managaed to cheer her up.

She grabbed her diary and started writing in it.

_June 15th,_

_Dear Diary,_

_I just got out of the hospital today, and I'm back home. My mom's still on her business trip, and the talent show is tonight. I wanted to perform with Phineas and the Ferb-Tones tonight, but I got run over by someone's car, and my legs practically gave out. Today I feel better, and I can walk, with some difficulties, but Phineas still dropped out because he didn't want to perform without me. He told me that I was the best singer he ever met, and that 'He couldn't imagine his life without me.' That really hit me hard, because I never thought Phieas liked me like that._

_I'm so confused right now. I really like him, but I don't want to ruin such a great friendship that we have if I tell him. But the truth is, I can't imagine what my life would be like without him, either. He gives me a reason to visit him everyday, because he always has some sort of foolish scheme going that I can't help it, but I always end up assisting him. It makes me feel good, but it's not enough to make him notice my feelings for him._

_I think maybe once this whole 'Rat Pack' thing ends, I'll be able to think straight._

She put down her pen and her diary, and went up to her room. She was in her pajamas already and didn't bother putting on another pair. She simply climbed into bed and tried to fall asleep, even though it was still bright out.

But moments later, the doorbell rang, and Isabella groaned, and got out to answer it. She immediately rubbed the sleep out of her eyes when she saw Brian in his suit standing there.

"Oh, Brian, hey, what brings you over?" She asked tiredly.

"Well I heard you were released from the hospital and I just wanted to check up on you before I head off for the park for our telethon." Brian replied, getting a glimpse of the inside of her house. "Wow, I see your mother's still on her 'business trip'."

"Yeah, she didn't say when she'd be back. She always comes back. Would you like to come in?"

"Oh sure, thanks." The two of them went into the living room as Isabella turned on the TV. There wasn't really anything on during Sunday, but she didn't really care. All she wanted was for the Rat Pack to leave town so life could return to normal.

Brian immediately picked up on this. "Hey, everything OK?" He asked her as she sat down on the couch and flipped through the channels.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've just got a little fever and I'm tired, that's all." She said. Brian could clearly hear that her voice was much weaker than before, but it wasn't because of her fever, it was because she was sad about something, and he knew what he was. He took a seat next to Isabella to see if he could cheer her up.

"I think I know why you're upset." He began, putting his arm around her shoulder. "It's because you're conflicted about your feelings for Phineas, isn't it? Trust me, I know this kind of stuff because I've been through it just as many times as the next guy."

"Well...yeah."

"Did you get a chance to talk to him?"

"No. I was run over and sent to the hospital, remember?"

"I meant before that."

"Oh...well, no."

"Let me ask you something, if I may. What is it about Phineas that turns you on? I'm sure it's not his looks or anything like that."

"Oh no, not at all." Isabella cringed. She had not been asked why she was so nice to Phineas in a long, long time, and she was nervous about telling Brian, but she sucked it up and took in a deep breath. "Because he was the only one who was nice to me when I needed it the most. You see, I have 3 brothers, Todd, who's 22, Noah, who's 18, and Roger, who's 15. When my mother told my brothers she was having me, Roger was estatic about having a sister. But, Tood and Noah were a different story."

"I see."

"During her pregnancy, Todd & Noah tried to talk my mom into an abortion, but she didn't go with it. Even my dad tried to do it, but she still refused. So when I turned 2, Todd & Noah started beating me up every single day."

"Oh my god, that's terrible."

"I know. They did it every day 'til I was 4. I tried to tell my mom, but my brothers kept convincing her otherwise. But one day she finally caught them..."

_(Cue Flashback)_

_We Flashback to six years ago when Isabella was 4, and her two brothers Todd & Noah who were beating the crap out of her (remember at this point in time Noah is 16 and Noah is 12.) She's already covered in blood and gore, and the brothers showed no signs of stopping anytime. Isabella's mother, and Isabella's other brother, Roger, couldn't help but stare in agony seeing her get beat up._

_Finally the mother got up the courage and ran over to her and tried to shoo her sons away, but they had stun guns, and zapped her several times until she fell to the ground. Roger then tried to take the guns out of their hands, but he too, was stunned._

_Mrs. Garcia did manage to get to a phone and call the police. When that happened, in only a few minutes, the police arrived and arrested the two abusive brothers and took them to prison. Then she went to confront her husband, Gerald Garcia, about this, who was, as he always did, sitting on the couch watching TruTV._

_"Jerry, do you know what your sons have been up to?!" She lashed out in anger at him. He didn't respond. All he did was sip his beer and put the volume up on his TV. "ANSWER ME!"_

_"Hey, shut your fat mouth and move! I'm missing my shows!" Unfortunately, his 'shows' were just a bunch of static. The TV was broken and he had no idea._

_"Don't you talk to me like that. You have no idea what your sons are capable of, Jerry!"_

_"You're right. I don't. That's why the state police were going to come by tomorrow and have them and Isabella executed!"_

_"They str-wait, what?"_

_"Yeah. They're nothing but worthless ingrates who kept trying to beat Isabella up. So I called the police and they were supposed to come and kill them tomorrow. But now I guess they'll do it in prison."_

_"Wait, wait a moment! You knew about this the entire time!"_

_"Why sure. Who do you think gave them all those weapons?"_

_"W-Wh-Y-You're a monster! You don't care about me, or the children!!"_

_"Of course not! Children are disgusting, obnoxious little trolls, especially the girls. Oh my god, when they reach the age of 5, no thank you!!"_

_"Jerry, you know Isabella can hear our every word! She's very adaptive. Plus, she's good at drawing, she's speaking full sentences with perfect grammer, she's playful with other children, she can sing very well, and she wants to be a doctor when she grows up."_

_"Oh go f#ck yourself you stanky, horny little bitch!"_

_"(gasp)! You sick little bastard! You don't care about us at all!"_

_"Oh go to hell, you washed-up old whore!" Jerry pulled out his shotgun and aimed it at Mrs. Garcia. "What the hell do I have to do to shut you up!? And I thought drugging you with 17 pints of steroids and heroin would work, but all it did was bring out that knocked-up, fat-asses, tramp you couldn't even decide a good name on! What's with 'Isabella'!? I would've gone with 'Cody'?"_

_"Um, that's a boy's name."_

_**BOOM! **Jerry pulled the trigger and shot Mrs. Garcia once in her arm. She fell to the floor and yelped out in pain. "Now move it, your fatass is blocking the screen! It's HD, woman, don't make me miss it!"_

_(End Flashback)_

"Ouch. I-I couldn't have imagined you...o-of all people. Y-You just seemed so normal on the outside. I had absolutely no idea you had so much pain bottle up inside. God, I feel like Dr. Phil right now, only without the penis."

"I know. I was so traumatized that for the next year and a half, I never left the house. So my mom decided to pack our bags and move to this town. At first, I was really scared because I thought there would be bullies here. In fact the first few months, I just stayed in my room, crying. Until that day. The first day I met Phineas changed everything..."

_(Cue Flashback)_

_We cut to a rainy day in Daville, five years into the past. A young 4-year old Phineas was walking along the sidewalk, holding up blue plans to a design he was going to build with his newly acquired step-brother, Ferb, later that day. But those thoughts suddenly disappeared when he heard faint crying coming from the porch of Isabella's house._

_He was curious as to what it was, so he went over to the crying girl to see if he could comfort her._

_"Hey, what's the matter?" He said as he sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. She looked up revealing her eyes watery with tears._

_"Oh nothing." She said in between sobs. She stopped immediately as soon as she realized Phineas was actually there. She screamed and stood up, backing away slowly. "Y-You're one of them!?"_

_"What are you talking about?" Phineas wasn't sure why Isabella was acting the way she was. All he wanted was to talk, but Isabella was too scared. Instead, she ran over to the other side of the yard, hyperventilating as she did, and Phineas went after her to see what was wrong with her. The thoughts of her brothers beating her up kept haunting her, and as soon as she reached the fence and saw she was at a dead end, she broke down and started bawling into the fence, tears pouring down her face._

_Phineas was especially concerned. So as the young gentlement he was taught to be, he slowly went up to her and embraced her, trying to make her feel better. For the most part, it worked. As soon as Isabella felt Phineas hugging her, her hyperventilating stopped immediately, and her frown started turning into a smile. Though her eyes still had tears in them, she was becoming much, much, happier. _

_"I-I'm sorry." She managed to get out, still coming to grips that he was hugging her. "I-I was bullied when I was younger, and I thought you were going to do the same to me."_

_"Nonsense. I'm no bully. I am an adventurer, though." He said, as he let go and allowed Isabella to face her. "I make lots of cool stuff with my brother, Ferb. And we go on lots of adventures. Maybe you'd like to help us one day."_

_"Ooh, that sounds exciting." Her face continued to light up. "I'm Isabella."_

_"I'm Phineas. I live next door, so feel free to swing by anytime, OK." Isabella couldn't help but giggle, seeing how cute Phineas was, and how nice he was being to her. And from that moment, started out a five-year friendship that would test Isabella's friendship and loyalty to Phineas over her crush on him and desire to be his girlfriend._

_(End Flashback)_

"Ever since that day, I knew Phineas and I have been best friends, and lately I've been coming to grips that maybe I like him more than that."

"Wow, all because of a comforting hug he gave you five years ago did you guys become friends. And now you have a crush on him? God, you're either seriously in love with him, or your mom was the biggest heroin addict I've ever seen."

"Brian, I don't know what to do. Should I do what I had originally planned, and just tell him how I feel? Or should I wait until after you guys leave? I mean, for my toddler life I've lived in fear of boys bullying me. Phineas doesn't know my secret that I've been keeping from him for five years. All I told him was that I was bullied. Now, I'm more out-going than ever, but I'm still afraid that if I tell him I like him, he'll reject me and not want to be my friend anymore."

"Well, first off, you need to understand the world isn't like it used to be anymore. People aren't as sexist as they used to be. Women have a lot more rights than in the 20th century, and they're more outgoing, and...in rare cases, very irritating. In fact, a lot more women are getting knocked up and it's usually the Black women."

"How do you know for sure?"

"Just watch _The Maury Show_, it helps."

"So what are you trying to say? That other women were in my situation once, and have gotten out of it?"

"Yeah, exactly."

"Well, tell me!"

"No." Brian said, frowning. This caused Isabella to frown as well, until Brian stood up and took her hand. "I'll show you." He said after a short silence, and ran upstairs where he introduced to her a new world. **(A/N: Just so this isn't totally copyrighted, I changed the order of a couple of lines and changed a few lyrics. If you've heard the song, you should be able to notice it right away. If you haven't, well enjoy)**

_**Brian: **The sixties brought the hippie breed  
And decades later, things have changed indeed  
We've lost the values, but we've kept the weed  
You've got a lot to see._

_The baldness gene was a cause for dread  
But that's a fear that you can put to bed  
They'll shave your rear and glue it on your head  
You've got a lot to see!_

_The town of Vegas has got a different face  
'Cause it's a family place with lots to do  
Where in the 50's, a man could mingle with scores  
Of all the seediest whores  
Well now his children can too!_

_You heard it from the canine's mouth  
The country's changed, that is except the South  
And you'll agree..._

_No one really knows my sweet little friend  
Just quite how it all will end  
So hurry cause you've got a lot to see_

_The Reagan years have laid the frame  
For movie stars to play the White House game  
We weren't too far from voting Feldman Haim  
You've got a lot to see_

_The PC age has moved the bar  
A word like 'negro' is a step too far  
The proper term is 'Hip-Hop Rapster Star'  
You've got a lot to see!_

_Our flashy cell phones make people mumble gee wiz  
Look how important he is  
His life must rule_

_You'll get a tumor, but on your surgery day  
The doc will see it and say  
Wow you must really be cool._

_**Diane: **There's lots of things you've surely missed  
**Adam West: **Like Pee Wee and his famous arrests  
**Quagmire: **Or Sandy Duncan's creepy phony eye. Alriight!  
_**  
_Neil: _**_That awesome Thunder Cats cartoon  
**Tom: **Neil Armstrong landing on the moon  
**Meg: **Neil Armstrong? Wait, was he the trumpet guy?_

_**Brian: **So let's go see the USA They'll treat you right unless you're black or gay or Cherokee!  
But you can forgive the world and its flaws  
And follow me there because  
You've still got a hell of a lot to see  
You've got.. a.. lot.. to.. see!_

And as the musical montage ended, Brian took Isabella back downstairs towards her front door to take her to the park. "You see, Isabella? The world has changed greatly. Women are respected much more now n' days, and I'm sure the same goes for little girls like you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Now come on. The show starts in 20 minutes, and I'm sure Phineas'll be happy to see you the-" As Brian went to open the front door with Isabella, he discovered Peter standing there in what looked like penis costume, however, it was only a Pawtucket Patriot Ale costume. (I'm sure, though, if this ever aired on TV, it still would be blurred out)

"Look at me, I'm a giant penis named Scroty! HAHAHAHA!" Peter laughed in Brian's face, revealing he was also drunk. He then pulled out a little buzzer, pressed the button on it, and then white stuff squirted out of the little hole in the costume, and it poured on Isabella and Brian's heads. Isabella was once again mortified, but Brian remained motionless.

"I sure hope this is expired milk." Brian said. "Um...I take that back. I actually feel things moving."

"Eww!!"

"No wait...yeah, it _is _milk. That was just my fur itching me. But still, Peter, this is disgusting! This is worse than when it happened during your vascectomy!!"

"Thank you. You don't know how long it took me to get this toge..." Peter than stopped and notice Isabella take out a piece of stridant gum and start chewing it to calm down. "Hey that wouldn't happen to be stridant gum would it?"

"Um...yes..."

_POW! _Peter went over and punched Isabella' stomach, forcing her to spit the piece of gum out. "Spit out your gum and start chewing a second piece...or I'll find you!" He snarled as he took off.

Brian was unimpressed. "And yet he was an alcohol beverage costume and sprays expired milk on us. What a world." He turned to Isabella. "You got any heroin on you?"

**End of Chapter 6!**

**Next Time: The Talent Show/Telethon/Dance offically begins, and just wait to see what kind of idiots we got coming from across the country to support Diabetes. Plus, Peter gets a visit from a not-so-old "friend".**

**Expected Update: January 20th.**


	7. Define Talent

****

Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 7: Define "Talent".**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**A/N: Hooray, I finally reached 200 hits! Thanks to you loyal fans. Keep Reading & Reviewing! I don't really even care if it's a bad review, just say something, because if you don't review, you don't care! Oh and get ready for the longest chapter yet!**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

Brian guided Isabella all the way to the Danville park, where a giant stage was set up. There were many camera crews already there, holding HD cameras to the stage, ready to broadcast the entire thing. It was already a full house, with barely a seat empty. There was an estimated 200 people in the audience, those including Phineas, Ferb, and their parents.

There was an empty seat next to Phineas, and Isabella sought to take it. "Hi Phineas!" She said gladly as she sat down next to him.

"Oh hey Isabella! Glad you could make it!"

"Me too. But why are you out here? Shouldn't you be backstage getting ready?"

"I told you, the band dropped out because we didn't want to perform without you. But don't worry, I'm sure they managed to get loads of other acts to replace us."

"Phineas, you didn't have to..."

"I know. But I wanted to. It wouldn't have been fun without you. Besides, it's much more fun to watch from the sidelines sometimes, especially when you're doing it with your best friend." Isabella blushed madly, giggling even, as they turned their attention to the stage, as the spotlights came on.

A man approached the podium carrying a stack of papers. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlement. Today, we are here to honor a very noble cause. Today we are here to honor those who were lost due to Juvenile Diabetes. Juvenile Diabetes is taking more and more lives everyday, even as we speak, dozens of lives are being destroyed. But that can change. We are going to start today, for today begins a year-long goal for the 'New Rat Pack' as they go around the world to entertain us with classical music and earn $10,000,000 in donations to find a cure for Diabetes. And now, ladies and gentlemen, I wish to turn things over to my good friend, Frank Sinatra Jr."

The audience gave their applause as Frank took the mic. "Thank you, John. Ladies and Gentlemen, some of you may be thinking that Diabetes isn't such a big deal. But let me tell you something, it _is _a big deal. My son was diagnosed with Diabetes the other day, and he's fighting for his life right now in the hospital. That's why I took the stand and took this job, to go around the world to spread the good wealth of classical music, and hope that you kind people will give up your selfish desires and help other folks in my situation. Our goal by this time next year is to be $10,000,000 richer for the Children's Diabetes Foundation."

"You know, you people are lucky. You guys are our first stop on our 'Dollars for Diabetes' music tour. So we decided to go all out. We made this a telethon/talent show/dance. We've got it all, other live bands that attract the wonders of you kids, an all-you-can-eat buffet, and I'm pretty sure we have some black guys in the audience too. And to top it all off, we're broadcasting this entire thing in **High Defintion**, so even if you can't be here in person, you can still enjoy what we have to over today, and make donations over the phone while enjoying beautiful HD color."

"So without further ado, let's get this show on the road!" The audience cheered as the bands started playing, and Steiwe came rushing out onto the stage to open the night with their most famous song.

_**Frank:** How I love a girl who's flawless  
**Stewie:** Even better when she's bra-less.  
**Both: **But the thing that topes it all is when we swing._

As Frank & Stewie sang their first lines, Isabella and Phineas couldn't help but look at each other and blush lightly

_**Frank: **How I love a glass of Jack  
**Stewie: **Or anything with Robert Stack.  
**Both: **But the gals we romance, can't stay out of our pants  
When we Swing!_

At that moment, Phineas & Isabella's facial expressions turned into confusion, as Brian strolled onto the stage with his microphone.

_**Brian: **Yesterday had got me feelin' kind of blue...  
**Stewie: **So you left and we replaced you with a Jew..._

Just then, Jerry Lewis popped out of nowhere.

_**Jerry: **Lady!  
**Stewie: **You're fired!  
**Jerry: **Oy!_

_**Frank:** We love it when the ladies squeeze us  
**Brian:** That's an easy way to please us.  
**All Three: **But we feel like freakin' Jesus  
When we swing._

By this time, Brian and Stewie had thrown their microphones into the air, and in different directions, so while the music was playing towards their next lines, they each ran under than microphones and caught them and slid across the floors for dramatic effect.

_**Brian:**I love the work of Alan Funt!  
**Stewie: **Or a nicely shaven leg.  
**All Three: **But nothing compares to the feeling that we get...!  
No nothing compares  
To the feeling we get  
When we Swing...!_

The audience erupted into applause as Frank, Brian & Stewie took their bows. Brian walked up to the edge of the stage to address the audience. "Thank you, how're you all doing tonight? Great, great. OK, like Frank said, we have got wicked acts for you tonight. But we can't do this without you. We need you guys and your donations as well." Frank helped push out a big machine that had a computerized money counter on it. "Our goal before the end of tonight is to raise $100,000! All through the day, if you folks would like to make a donation, just place your money into the slot right here on the side of the money, and the machine will record it. And for those of you at home who want to make donations, you can call our special 800 number and place your donation. Remember, $100G's, people!"

And then, out of nowhere, a grand piano came from the skies and fell on Brian. The entire audience gasped, whilst Stewie broke out into hysterical laughter.

"Oh my god, Brian! Come on, you're killing me!" He said in between laughs. He couldn't help himself as Brian tried to pull himself out of the clutches of the piano.

"Stewie, what the hell is _this_!?"

"You just said our goal was to raise one hundred_grand._ Well, it was quite hard getting 100 _grand_ juries in one place, so I settled for 100 _grand_pianos." The audience erupted in total laughter, as did Stewie, Frank, and Brian. Stewie then took out a book that had the words '1001 Puns For tThe Common Asshole'. "See? I got that joke from this book, _1001 Puns For The Common Asshole_, which I got at Jack's Joke Shop in South Attleboro, Massachusetts. Remember, if it ain't funny, it ain't worth jack!" The audience applauded again as Stewie took a bow. Brian felt the piano and discovered that instead of it being real, it was made of cardboard.

"Stewie, what the hell is this?"

"You didn't think I'd really drop a live piano on you, did you? Hell no, that would be sick, besides, MacFarlane would probably get sued for actor abusive and some other grand theft charge I'm not aware of. So I figured this was the next best thing."

"Well you could've warned me first!"

"Well what fun would that have been!? After all, you're not the best actor in the family, Brian. Besides, it was either this or a ton of bricks stacked into the shape of Winston Churchill or Will Smith, and I wasn't sure you'd like that." Stewie turned to the audience. "But in all seriousness, folks, we've got a great show for you tonight...and look!" He turned everyone's attention to the money tracker, which was already beeping, and showing the money they've earned growing. Their total already was $1,700. "Alright folks, let's go to it, then. The first act of the night, all the way from Marzipan City...The Sing Beans!" He shouted, as he walked off with Brian & Frank. "God, let's hope none of them are black. **(Get read for some 'Chowder action)**

The curtains opened up, revealing instead of expected singing beans, four people, an old, white-haired chef **(Mung Daal)**, a boy/cat/bear animal **(Chowder),** a rock monster **(Shnitzel)** and a mushroom pixie fairy **(Truffles)**. Together, they were posing as 'The Sing Beans'. They started up their instruments, crossed their fingers, and hoped for the best. They sang the famous Sing Bean song, 'Everyone's got a song'.

_**Mung and Truffles: **Everyone's got a song inside, waiting to be freed.  
**Shnitzel:**Radda radda radda!  
**Mung and Truffles:** The beans are here to show the way!  
Come on and follow me!_

_**All:**Everyone's got a song inside, waiting to be freed!  
The beans are here to show the way!  
Come on and follow me!_

The song was very short, and it certainly grabbed the attention of the viewers. Just not in the way they had hoped. In fact, one of them was so disgusted he threw his beer at Chowder and yelled "Boo!" in the process. The bottle was glass, so shards were stuck in his eyes, and as everyone huddled around him to get them out, Frank closed the curtains on them as Brian took the stage again.

"Um, I apologize for that folks. When I first heard about them, they were actually quite good. Who know by becoming queer, you gave up your singing talents? Anyway, while we get this straightened out, please enjoy the comedy stylings of the cast of iCarly! Miranda Cosgrove, Jennifer McCurdy, Nathan Kress, and Jerry Trainor." As Brian gave the cue for the audience to applaude, Miranda, Jen, Nathan, and Jerry took the stage as the curtains closed behind the Sing Beans, Frank, Stewie, and Brian.

"What the hell was _that!?"_Stewie yelled to the Sing Beans. "Is that what you call 'entertainment'?"

"Well, yes." Mung said calmly, and yet with a hint of fear in his voice.

"You bastards promised us the real Sing Beans, not this load of sh#t!"

"Well, the pink fudgy kid ate the beans, so this is the best we got!" Truffles yelled angrily to them.

"Radda radda ra-radda radda!" _Yeah, so take it or leave it, punks!_

"Ok, you know what, tell you what! Why don't you just take your costumes, your outfits, and whatever dignity you have left, and get the f#ck out of my sight! You've got 30 seconds before I take this pistol-" Stewie pulled out a pistol from his back pocket. "and blow all of your brains out with it!"

"Oh yeah!?" Truffles remarked. "Make us!"

"Gladly." Stewie loaded his pistol, and started shooting uncontrollably at them. They all started running away off the stage away from the crowd. As soon as they were out of sight, Stewie stopped shooting, and took a pill to calm himself down. "My god, they make me sick. And it takes alot to tick me off!"

"It does..."

"Well, from other people. But from the fatman, it's easy. Like the time he accidentally showed off hhis and my genitals at the beach."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to the Quahog beach where the Griffin family is setting up their spot to relax at the beach today. While Lois, Meg, Chris, and Brian were setting up, Peter decided to get a head start in the water and took Stewie in with him. He ran as fast as he could into the water, and stopped about a foot in, realizing it was freezing cold._

_"AHHH! Ah, that's cold!" He said, as he hissed in cold pain. "Dammit, if they knew it was going to be cold, why did they put up a green flag!?" Despite his complaining, Peter trudged on deeper and deeper into the water. "Damn lifeguards, not looking out for us old guys." He stopped after he was about 5 feet in and turned to the lifeguard chair and started yelling. "AND TO THINK MY ANCESTOR STARTED THE AUTO-SHOPS WAY BACK IN THE SLAVERY ERA!" He was yelling so loudly he didn't realize a tidal wave was coming it. It smacked Peter and Stewie so hard they went underwater for a few moments._

_Luckily, they did manage to come back up to the surface...only their drawers didn't. Realizing it was too dangerous, Peter carried Stewie back up to the shore so he would get hurt. But as he got up there, people started laughing at him, and it was only after someone pointed at his crotch did he realize that he had lost his trunks in the water. Stewie also discovered that he had lost his trunks in the water._

_"Huh, so that's what Stewie's penis looks like." Brian said dryly._

_(End Cutaway)_

"God, that was the most embarassing day of my entire baby life. And do you know what I learned from that experience? I learned that the fatman isn't a bad man. He's not really careless. He's just stupid. Stupid, clueless, retarded, and he's the only man who was actually capable of getting into a racial situation by playing Checkers. Huh, Brian? Remember that?"

"Oh yeah, I do. That was disturbing."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Brian and Peter playing checkers outside in the park. Peter is playing with black, and Brian is playing with Red. Brian is winning by a long shot. He took one of his red chips and jumped one of Peter's last black chips._

_"King me." He said as soon as he was finished._

_"Oh man, this sucks. See, you're about to beat me. Every frickin' time we play, you beat me. You're always red! I mean, why can't we change it up a little bit, am I right? I hate black!!" What Peter failed to realized was that Will Smith was passing by when he yelled 'I hate black' outloud. So Will got all upset and then went up in Peter's face. _

_"What did you say, punk!!" He screamed, scaring Peter. "What the f#cking hell did you just say, bitch!"_

_"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you-you don't understand! See, I-"_

_"Oh I understand perfectly! You resent the fact that us black guys are finally getting our due now that Obama's going to be the presidnet! But let me tell you something, that does **NOT **give you the right to get up all in ours faces and start harassing us like you portly white bastards do!"_

_"No, but see, we were pla-"_

_"You were playing 'Schoolboy' and 'Guy who has sex with schoolboy'! Well I'm the one that taught it to you, so up yours, you ass!" And with that, Will punched Peter and left. Peter got up and pulled out an axe, and contemplated thoughts of hurting Will._

_"Peter, what the hell are you doing!?"_

_"Well it's bad enough to call me a racist, but now he thinks I'm gay! He's totally off! I don't even own a soliflex!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

Meanwhile, outside in the audience, Peter was sneaking into the back row with a hooded sweatshirt on so Peter wouldn't recognize him. What he failed to realize, though, was that his family, Lois, Chris, and Meg, were sitting in the back row watching from there so they wouldn't draw extra attention to themselves.

"Peter, is that you?" Lois asked as soon as she caught a glimpse of him.

"Lois, shh, I'm trying to hide from everyone." He whispered to her, not trying to draw attention to himself, despite the fact that the only things he's done that people know about are crashing into Phineas and Ferb's house with his car, and accidentally sexually harassing Isabella while intoxicated. No one else but he and Brian knew he ran her over, accidentally sufficating, possibly to death, her mother, launching the boys' rocket into the air, and accidentally destroying the stage set-up in the mall.

"W-What for?"

"Lois, I uh...did some things that...I'm not proud of."

"What is it Peter? What the hell could you have possibly done that could've..._gasp_ Peter, no, you didn't!"

"Um...yes?" Peter questioned, having no idea what Lois was referring to.

"Well, Peter, can't say I'm shocked."

"I thought you might say that."

"You've been know to be reckless, but come on, leaving the water running is the worst of them all."

"I know, but I hid--wait, what?"

"What? Oh, oh god, yo-you thought I was talking about something else..."

"Yeah, yeah I thought-I thought you actually knew what I did. I thought-"

"Well, obviously not."

"Clearly. Um..."

"So...Peter, what were you referring to...wh-when you said-"

"Oh, oh right. Uh...oh god, this is um, this is very difficult to say to you...so I put it in writing." Peter said as he took out from his back pocket a piece of paper and handed it to Lois. "Oh, and uh, d-don't read that last paragraph. That doesn't apply to this."

Lois quickly skimmed the paper, trying to understand what Peter was trying to get across. The paper had listed all of the things Peter had done in the past week. "_(Gasp)_ Peter, you did it!? You were the one that ran that sweet little girl over with your car?! And you sexually harasses her mother and put her possibly dead body in a plastic bag and dumped it into the woods!?" She whispered crazily, trying to contain her frustration so she wouldn't start shouting.

"Yes, but I was too afraid to tell anyone."

"Does anyone else know about this!?"

"No! Except for Brian...oh sh#t-"

"Peter!! It's bad enough to do this and keep it a secret from everyone but you have no business making Brian do it!"

"Oh come on, it was only like, two days ago! Come on!"

"Five days ago, Peter. It was five days ago"

"Oh."

"Peter, when were you planning to tell anyone."

"Well, today, of course...I mean, come on, everybody's here, even that girl, it's the perfect time to confess it. Hell, the arch bishop of Danville's here." Peter pointed two rows down to a man with white hair, but when he turned his face, he revealed himself to be Dick Clark instead. "Oh, never mind. It's just Dick Clark. I-I'm not good at picking people out of a crowd."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter Griffin in a room with three other policemen, standing behind a glass wall where five murderers are secluded in the other room._

_"OK, could I get a better look at number 2, please?" Peter said into the microphone which transmitted into the next room. The guy that was holding the card with the number '2' on it, stepped forward three steps. "And, um, #4, could you also step forward?" The guy labeled number 4 did so. "Oh, and um, number 5, could you look over at number 1?" The guy labeled number 5 did so. "OK, act like you haven't seen him in a really long time, and you're really excited." #5 put on a very big smile for him to please Peter. "O-Oh-Ok, pull it back, pull it back." #5's smile faded slightly, but he still did as Peter asked. "Alright, and um...number 3, could you please say 'Hollie, I promise to get back on my feet before the baby arrives."_

_"Hollie, I promise to get back on my feet before the baby arrives."_

_Peter was clearly impressed by his performance. "He's good." He whispered to the three cops, whom all agreed. "OK, thank you!"_

_(End Cutaway)_

Four hours had passed, and for the most part, everyone was having a good time. The buffet was almost empty for its 2nd time, and the caters (Which was unfortunately, the crappy music makers that is Mung Daal's catering business) had to keep refilling the table.

"UM, ok, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being so patient with us." Brian said as he took the stage once again. "So far, we've raised over $7,000 tonight, and we're not even close to done yet. So please sit back, and relax. Now it's that time of the show where we ask the people at home or in the audience for requests of stunts you'd like us to perform-"

"MR. GRIFFIN!" A guy from the background yelled, as he ran onto the stage holding a phone. "A guy named Ron from San Diego says he'll pay $25 if Frank will ride a unicycle wearing nothing but a T-shirt and some underpants, while juggling some balls in the air and smoking cigars."

Frank and Brian blinked twice, shocked at the request. "Tell that bastard that I'd rather f#ck an Asian chick, snap her neck, dump her body into Niagra Falls, and kill myself of Ecstacy before I'd ever do _that_!?" Frank shouted.

"Whoa, easy there, champ. We don't want to get too hoicidal here. We still need to bring out the best of the best, the stars of the show, you know?"

"But Brian, didn't you hear? Betty White cancelled on us, so we're stuck with that Latino George Wallus." Stewie remarked, as the drummer played an old-style classical tune on his symbol signaling the joke, causing the audience to explode in laughter. "OK, ok settle down. We've got a lot more in store for you bastards, so don't go anywhere. If you do, I'll kill you."

So Brian, Stewie, & Frank went back stage to sort things out with their assistants.

Meanwhile, in the audience, Phineas and Isabella were quietly watching the show. They had not spoken to each other since Isabella arrived, and they kindly decided to watch the show without talking to one another. But as you could imagine, the silence was unbearable.

And Phineas was the one that finally got up the guts to break it. "So...cool show, huh?"

"Yeah. Those guys really know what they're doing." Isabella commented as the two of them shared a chuckled before going back to the show, blushing. "So...Phineas..." She said, once again trying to break the ice. "How are things at home?"

"Uh...OK, I guess." Phineas answered, not really sure why she asked that. "How about you?"

'Alright, I guess. My mom hasn't come back from her business trip, so it's been pretty quiet." She replied back, as they both turned their attention back to the show, which was just about to pick up again.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please give a round of applause to Frank Sinatra Jr. & Brian Griffin with their #1 classical hit, 'The 2nd Time Around'." The band started playing and the curtains opened up, revealing Frank & Brian. The two of them, though, started making their way down towards where the audience was before they started singing.

_**Frank: **Love is Lovelier the second time around...  
Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground._

Brian also came in, holding a flower, and handed it to Phineas, whom grabbed it immediately, though he didn't know why they were giving him one.

_**Brian:** Its that second time you hear your love song sung  
Makes you think perhaps that love, like youth, is wasted on the young_

_**Both: **Who can say what brought us to  
This miracle we found..._

By this time, Frank took Isabella's hand, while Brian took Phineas's, and brought them together. As Isabella and Phineas took each other's hand, they were completely confused, they did not question it and instead enjoyed it, both blushing madly and looking away.

_**Frank:** There are those who bet  
**Brian:** Love comes but once and yet...  
**Both:** I'm both so glad we met...the second time around...!_

Frank & Brian were once again rewarded with applause and cheers, as they grated even more money from the people at home. Meanwhile, Phineas and Isabella couldn't help but continue holding each other's hand.

As soon as they realized this, however, they immediately gasped and took them away quickly. "So...wow, those guys are really good at these songs." Phineas said, trying to change the subject quickly.

"Yeah." Isabella agreed. The two of them tried to ignore each other, but it was no use, and Isabella finally caved. "OK, that's it! I can't handle it any longer! Phineas, you and I need to talk!" She yelled as she grabbed his arm and they walked away to have some privacy. Brian & Frank were watching from behind the curtains.

"Hey, do you think it worked?" Frank asked.

"Oh believe me, I know it worked." Brian replied. "Or, she could be taking him to watch her kill herself like when Peter tried to do that to make a quick buck."

"Didn't we already go through that?"

"Not sure. Don't know, and don't really give a crap. Come on, I gotta go introduce the next act." Brian took out a piece of paper and went through the curtains back to the stage, as the audience cheered. "Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen. Hope you're having a good time. Well, we sure are. Now give it up for our next act-" Brian read the paper, and immediately groaned in hate. "_Damn. _Um, give it up for Peter Griffin in his musical stylings with the songs 'Coyboys' and 'Rock Lobster'."

The audience clapped slowly as Peter went up to the stage from his seat in the back row, carrying his guitar. But before he even made it, he tripped and hit his jaw on the edge of the stage, and fell to the ground, not unconscious, but in searing pain.

**End of Chapter 7!**

**Whoo! Longest chapter yet! 5,000 words, and I've still got a chapter left up my sleeve! It will be the last chapter of the story, and you can bet your socks it will be the longest! And I have a sequel to this story in mind (not the one that has to do with Famiy Guy's Road Trip) _and_ a holiday special planned. I've got so much left you'll just have to read the entire thing to believe it!**

**Next Time: **Will Peter finally confess his bad deeds? Will an old nemesis change his mind? Will Isabella confess her affection to Phineas? And what the hell ever happened to Candace & Perry?

**Expected Update:** January 20th.


	8. No More Secrets

****

Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series

**Phineas and Peter**

**Chapter 8: No More Secrets**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**A/N: This is indeed the last chapter of the story! But hey, I had fun and I've got more exciting stories for 'Family Guy's Road Trip'. Oh, and I've also got sequels ready for 'Phineas and Ferb' that I'll post soon.**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

While Peter was setting up for his act in the talent show, Isabella took Phineas to another part of the park to be alone with him. She was finally going to get straight with him and tell him how she felt.

"So Isabella, you wanted to talk to me about something?" Phineas asked, as he felt secluded from everyone else being alone with Isabella.

"Well, yeah. And it's been eating me alive for so long I can't hold it in anymore." She replied, taking his hands, and getting in close to him. "So, I'm just going to say it." Isabella inhaled deeply once before saying anything else. "Phineas,"

"Yeah...?"

"You know that you're my best friend in the whole, wide world, right?"

"Of course! And nothing is going to change that!"

"Well, don't be so sure." She replied, causing Phineas to be taken aback slightly. "Phineas...do you remember the time where you built that dream machine and went into my dreams, and you saw that one that didn't want you to see?" **(Upcoming One-shot, be on the lookout)**

"Yeah. I saw us...holding hands, laughing, being together...you know, like boyfriend/girlfriend."

"Well, the truth is...that's exactly how I want us to end up someday."

"You mean, you as _my _girlfriend and me as _your _boyfriend. Wow, Isabella, that's...that's a big step forward."

"I know, but I can't hold it in anymore. I really like you, Phineas. In fact... I think I may even be in love with you, and I have ever since that day five years ago when you saved me."

"Wait, how'd I save you?"

"You know...it was five years ago, the day we met. I was crying, and you came over to see what was wrong, and then I started crying and I ran in another direction. You tried to catch up to me but I kept running, but when I reached the fence, I broke down and started bawling..."

"Right, I remember that day. So to make you feel better, I gave you a big hug."

"Yeah. It was the happiest moment of my life. And from that moment, I knew we were going to be best friends. And for five years, we were. But...but now I feel I want to be much more than that." Isabella tried to keep herself from crying, with great difficulty.

"Isabella, I kinda had a feeling you'd tell this to me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. When I was in your dreams, I-I stumbled into this..." He took out from his pocket a silver locket in the shape of a heart, and inside was a picture of Isabella & Phineas hugging each other's shoulders, with the words 'Isabella & Phineas forever' engraved in the back. "But look, Isabella, we're like, grade-schoolers, right?"

"Y-Yeah. So?"

"Well, i-if we start dating now, people might rip on us. I mean, that fat guy's already done damage to you on the outside _and _the inside." Phineas replied, referring to Peter, who was still having difficulty getting onto the stage. "Or worse, people may not take us seriously, and I don't want to see people making fun of you."

"Aww, and I don't want to see people making fun of you." Isabella let go of Phineas's hands and took his shoulders, moving in closer. "But Phineas, I don't care what people think. As long as I'm just spending time with you, well...it's already more than enough for me."

"And that goes double for me." Phineas remarked as the two of them shared a laugh, and embraced warmly, which they both seemed to enjoy greatly. "But come on Isabella, how could you think I wouldn't want to remain your friend?"

"I don't know...I just-"

"Don't worry about it. That's all in the past. I mean, come on, you're the sweetest, most caresmatic, most adorable, charming," Phineas reached to pinch her cheek, causing her to giggle. "cute, and the funnest girl a guy can hang out with. It's a wonder everyone wants to be your friend. But don't worry, Isabella, nothing is going to change between us. I'm always going to be your best friend and you're always going to be my best friend, and as soon as those guys leave," Phineas was referring to the Rat Pack, along with Lois, Meg, Chris, and Peter. "I'm going to take you out on the funnest day of your life; just the two of us."

"Really? You mean it?"

"Absolutely We're going to the most fancy places in the tri-state area!"

"Fancy? No, no Phineas, you don't have to."

"What?"

"I told you, I don't care about having a guy take me out to those fancy-schmancy restaurants. All I care about is just spending time with a person that really cares about me. Right now, that person is you, Phineas."

"Thanks, Isabella. That means a lot." As Phineas and Isabella were about to hug warmly again, some guy in an orange afro came up to them, grabbed Phineas pulling him away from Isabella, and then kicked him hard in his testicles. Phienas fell to the ground, groaning in mortal pain while holding his privates. Isabella screamed while the orange afro guy laughed.

"Dude, d-what the hell are you doing!?" Phineas screamed to him. "Ow, this hurts!"

"Yeah, what's wrong with you!?" Isabella shouted, very upset Phineas was hurt. "You just kicked him, and you're laughing!?"

As Isabella continued screaming and ranting, the afro guy calmed down a lot and took her shoulder. "M-M-My friend? My friend?"

"What!?"

"Your friend has been kicked in the nuts." The orange afro guy showed Isabella and Phineas some cameras he had brought with him, and the two lovers knew exactly what was happening, and they both started laughing.

"No way!"

"I love that show!" Phineas said, regaining his composure and shaking the afro's hand. "Wow, this is so unexpected, but cool! And it certainly beats the time Isabella, Ferb, and I went to that water park and that scrawny dude got shot."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to a big line in the Danville water park water slide. Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella are close to the front, with just a big, bodybuilding dude in front of them. He handed the cashier his ticket, and as he examined it, he was growing more and more frustrated._

_"Um, I'm sorry, sir, but this ticket is invalid." The ticket handler said, making the bodybuilder very angry. After a moment of silence, he pulled out a gun, and held it up to his head._

_"What did you say, you bastard!?"_

_"Sir, your ticket is invalid." The ticket handler said with a little bravery in his voice, though there was obvious fear in it. The bodybuilder became very aggrivated, and soon pulled the trigger and shot him in the head, leaving blood all over the scene. Phineas, Isabella, and Ferb, grossed out by the scene, slowly started backing away._

_(End Cutaway)_

Meanwhile, over by the stage, Peter was finally ready to start performing.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, here's a little tune inspired by one of the great legends of the old west." He started to play his guitar to a familiar tune, but a tune only Brian & Stewie recognized.

_**Peter: **Well there once were two cowboys  
All alone out on the trail  
And they discovered they could sleep with another male  
Now they're having gay sex.  
Cowboy gay sex._

_Well there once were two cowboys  
Who were anything but pals  
Til they discovered  
They could sleep with another gal  
Now they're having gay sex  
Cowgirl gay sex_

_Sodomy-y-y-y! Come on everybody!  
Sodomy-y-y-y!  
Sodomy-y-y-y!  
Sodomy._

**_A/N: That second verse, involving the 'cowgirls' part, that verse I came up with myself. It's not really part of the song, but it seemed apporpriate._**

Peter put his guitar down and looked at the audience, waiting for a standing ovation. But instead, the audience was dead silent. Normally, when Peter would sing that song, the audience would boo, hiss, and throw sperm at him. At least this time, nobody was throwing anything. But one guy in the audience did 'boo!' really loudly and give him the finger.

"Oh, so you don't like the stylings of country, eh? I see where you're getting at..." Peter said as he wagged his finger to the audience. "I know exactly what to do now." And so Peter picked up his guitar again and started playing a rock tune, emphasis on 'rock'.

_**Peter:** We were at the beach!  
Everybody had matching towels.  
Somebody went under the dock  
And there they saw a rock! _

_But it wasn't a rock...._

_It was a rock **lobster!  
**__Rock Lobster!  
__Rock Lobster!  
(Hehehe, yeah, you're gonna be fine)_

Again, Peter put down his guitar and waited for his applause, but this time, the audience did not hesitate to boo. Some of them even started throwing things at Peter, which angered him quickly. He wasn't angry at the stuff thrown at him, though, as much as he was angry at the people for not appreciate his 'music' (if you can call that shit music)

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry, but if you don't like my brand of music, don't take it out on me!" He yelled as he started flashing the finger at random people in the audience. "Yeah, yeah, f#ck you, sh#tman! And-And f#ck you too, fatty garfunkle! Yeah, y-you all have no idea what it's like the be retarded!"

"That's because we all know how to _think_!" One of them yelled to Peter. "You suck, man!"

"Oh bite me, you stupid little fatty f#cking sh#thead motherf#cking goddamn f#ck!" Peter yelled in a rage, as he stormed off the stage, dashed towards the brave pedestrian, and punched him hard in the face, knocking him out, as well as two of his teeth. He then proceeded to return to the stage. "Alright then, if you people can't learn how to appreciate good music, then maybe you'll appreciate the wonders of magic." Peter went backstage and started pulling out several props, including a giant cannon and a giant drum set attached to the cannon. He pulled out a match and set up the cannon and aimed it completely randomly into the audience.

"Huh, would you look at that." Brian said pointing to the cannon. "Peter's doing a magic act. How delightful."

"Delightful? Brian, a magic act to the fatman is a mass suicide hysteria to a bunch of douchebags like these people. Come on Brian, use your head! I have a strong feeling we'll be burying someone in this park and they probably won't have gotten into some chocolate..."

"Oh shut up, Stewie.!"

The cannon was spinning when it finally fired. Unfortunately, when it did fire, it was aiming in the direction where Isabella & Phineas were. Peter pulled the rope at the end of the cannon, and then the giant drum set that was loaded in the cannon was let loose, spinning at 200 rotations a minute and going 30 miles an hour towards Isabella & Phineas. It was originally heading towards Phineas, but Isabella, not wanting to see Phineas get hurt, pushed him out of the way and took the hit. She was struck with great force, and sent back several feet, and knocked to the ground. She wasn't suffering broken bones, but she was bruised in several places, and this worried Phineas deeply.

"Get it!? _Drum roll_!? Haa? HAAA-"

"Go to hell, you jackass!" Some guy in the audience shouted. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself! It's inhumane to do that to such an innocent little girl! And come on, that is the hugest drum I've ever seen!"

"Well I would've gotten one smaller for this act...but, uh, the store only had one really small one, but it had a picture of Regis Philbin flashing his genitals, and I didn't think that's what you guys wanted to see that!?"

"Hey, I'd rather see a bisexual's penis than a 10-year old girl getting hit with a prop!"

"Hey, shut up! Don't you think I feel bad!? You're talking to the man who ran her over!?" And at that moment, the entire park went silent, as did Peter, who realized what he had just said.

"What!?" Phineas screamed as he regrouped himself, standing up and clutching his fists, angry at Peter. "You're the one that put Isabella in the hospital!?"

"Y-Y-Yes? Oh crap." Peter said as he pulled out a small container of sleeping pills. Brian ran onto the stage to try and stop him. "Well, I knew this day would come."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Peter, what the hell are you doing!?" Brian yelled to him. "Yo-You can't solve all your problems by killing yourself!"

"I know that, Brian. It's just this one. Jeez, I'm not a cat who has 9 lives, you know." Brian slapped his forehead in disgust.

"Peter, you already blurted it out that you ran her over. Why don't you just confess?"

"Well, uh...you see Brian, I-" Just as Peter started stuttering to say something, his imagination kicked in, and a little guy in a devil suit that looked like Peter appeared on his left shoulder.

"Whoa, buddy, what the hell are you doing?" He shouted to Peter.

"What?"

"You can't tell these people anything!"

"W-Why not?"

"Dude, have you ever seen a riot!? They'll run you out of town and you'll have to become one of those homeless queers that walk amongst us in the street but in reality are dead inside."

"B-But I've already lied to them so much and they all just heard me-"

"Look, it doesn't matter, now. If you want to save your ass, you have to lie again! Tell them you're high on meth or something! Just don't spill them beans!"

But then, Peter's angel side appeard on his right shoulder, looking rather angry.

"No, Peter! Don't listen to him. You've lied too much already. The best thing to do is to just tell the truth." But before Peter had a chance to listen to either side, the devil side pulled out a pistol **(Ready, Willing, and Disabled) **and shot the angel in cold blood.

"Oh my god!"

"Yeah, that's for shooting my brother you motherf#cker!" He shouted as he loaded up his gun again and this time, aimed it at Peter's head. "Now get your ass up there and start f#cking lying to them!"

"Whoa, whoa, pal, just take it easy-"

"I said start lying...or...your dog gets it." The devil took the gun and pointed it at Brian. "I'm serious, I'll pull the trigger and I--" But Peter managed to grab his neck and snap it, causing him to fall to the ground. He then snapped back to reality and realized that the audience was about to form a big riot if Peter didn't start talking.

"Oh man! Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I believe I have something to confess to you all. Everyone, _I _was the one that ran over that sweet little girl. But I'm also the one that sexually harassed her, made her throw up several times, I launched the boys' rocket up into the sky and blamed it on a dog molester, and...um, it a very strange event of miscommunication, I uh...accidentally assaulted her mother, asphyxiated her and then dumped her body into the woods."

The air was soon filled with the sounds of groaning and shocked gasps from other people, as they all slowly started heading for the stage to assault Peter. Isabella was one of the first, who, in a fit of rage, ran up onto the stage and tackled Peter.

"_WHERE'S MY MOM!_" She shouted to him as she grabbed his shirt and started shaking him rapidly. Phineas ran up onto the stage to try and pry her from Peter. "Where is she, you man slaughtering, son of a-"

"_Isabella_!!" Phineas yelled. "Language, please."

"Yeah, you little monkey scrotum. Language!"

"Hey! Don't yell at my girlfriend like that!?" Phineas shouted to Peter, which caught everyone by surprise. Even Isabella gasped in shock as she released her grip on Peter, and turned to him.

"Di-Did you just say 'girlfriend'?" She asked, practically in tears of joy.

"Um...yeah, I guess I did." He stuttered, very, very unsure if Isabella would be thrilled to hear him call her that, or practically mortified at that. For the most part, Isabella was somewhere in the middle of it. She was a bit frightened that Phineas just blurted it out to the entire audience like that, but at the same time, she was also excited to hear him say that.

"You really mean it!?" She squealed in excitement, taking Phineas and embracing him.

"Y-Y-Yeah...I do." He stuttered, as he accepted Isabella's hug, and her kiss on the cheek. The audience couldn't help but aw whilst Peter got up, and dusted himself off.

"Yeah, you two go in the back room and play 'Schoolgirl and Guy Who Has Sex with Schoolgirl' while we bust our asses off here trying to raise money to make sure you guys don't get diseases such as heart disease, the Clap, MSNBC-"

"Hey, you're one to talk, sexual abuser!"

"Hey, up yours, you jerk!"

As Peter and that stranger started quarreling, Brian, Stewie, Frank, and strangely enough Ferb, were watching the whole thing unfold from the safety of behind the curtains.

"You know in retrospect, I now question the benefits of actually inviting that man here." Ferb said to them. "I mean, all he has done so far in the time he's been here is harass Isabella, and cause thousands of dollars in property damage to the city. You would think by now he would've been arrested."

"Kid, The only times he gets arrested are when he forgets to pay speeding tickets."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cut to Peter on his couch, reading a book, when the doorbell rings. So he gets up and answers it, and sees policemen standing there, as one of them puts a shotgun to his face._

_"Are you Peter Griffin?"_

_"Um...yes?"_

_"Your records indicate that you have an unpaid $25 speeding ticket for going 2 miles over the speed limit."_

_"Yes, that's me. But um..."_

_The police officer pulled out a walkie-talkie and started talking into it. "Suspect not cooperating."_

_"W-What? Of course I'm-"_

_"Suspect refusing to pay."_

_"Suspect? It's a freakin' $25 speeding ticket for going 52 in a 50!"_

_"Suspect becoming hostile!"_

_"You guys gave it to my like, five hours ago!"_

_"Officer down." The officer then dropped to the ground and acted as if he was unconscious. Peter seized this opportunity to get back at him by stripping of his pants, and urinating all over his uniform. Unfortunately, he was then arrested by the other cops and taken downtown, though released on a 5-day bond for $70._

_(End Cutaway)_

"Oh, and peeing on policemen. Don't forget about peeing on cops." Stewie reminded.

"Oh yeah." Brian took out a cigaretee and lit it up.

"Well, I'm probably in no place to give my opinion, but I believe the fatman is about to ru-in our careers."

"Yeah, we're screwed. We might as well just pack it in and go h-wait, what?"

"I said I think the fatman is ru-ining our careers, Brian. He's ru-ining them good."

"Why are you saying it weird like that?"

"Saying what? I'm just pointing out the fatman's being a douche and ru-ining this show and making us look bad."

"OK, but that's not how you say the word "ruined"." Ferb pointed out.

"Kid, don't even bother with him. He does this to me on a regular basis and it's just to piss me off. Just ignore it." Brian said to Ferb, and then the conversation ended. But...sadly it only ended and they stayed silent for a short while. Then Ferb decided to be an idiot and get sucked into it again.

"OK, just so I'm absolutely sure. Really? Is that how you really say the word or are you just trying to take up time until the commercial?"

"What? I'm just saying the show's ru-ined!"

"What do you call the remains of ancient greek structure?"

"Ruins."

"And how would you describe this show?" Brian asked.

"Ru-ined, of course. The show is ru-ined, thanks to the fatman. The fatman is ru-ining our show."

"Say ruined."

"Ru-ined."

"Ruined."

"Ru-ined."

"Ruined!"

"Ru-ined."

"Dumbass."

"Oh Brian, don't be such a be-yotch!" Stewie turned to Ferb as he pulled out a piece of pie and some cool whip. "Hey Ferb, you want a slice of pie? I'll even throw in some Cool Hwhip."

"Well certainly as long as it doesn't have many carbs or fats o-wait, what did you just say?"

"Oh god, not again." Brian commented as he slapped his forehead.

"I said, 'you want some Cool Hwhip with your pie?' Pie tastes better with Cool Hwhip."

"Why are you putting so much emphasis on the 'H'. It's whip, not Hwhip."

"What are you talking about? I'm offering you a piece of strawberry pie, now do you want some bloody Cool Hwhip or not!?"

"I hope you burn in the darkest corners of hell, you box-cutter." Ferb told him sternly as he turned and walked away.

"Well fine then, crotchlicker. More Hwhip for me." **(I hope you enjoyed that little gag combined from gags used in the episodes 'Love Blackually' and 'Barely Legal' Respectively)**

Meanwhile, back on stage, Peter and that guy who criticized him were going at it like crazy, cussing at each other and giving each other the fingers. At one point, Peter had actually called him the 'N' word.

"And your mother's a big, fat, stupud little whore!" Peter yelled. "She couldn't raise you right even if you were retarded!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" The other guy replied as the two got close to each other and were practically at their wits ends.

"_You_ don't even make sense!" The two of them were about to start hitting each other when a guy in a trench coat and hat got in the middle of them and seperated them.

"Whoa, whoa there, people. Calm down!" He shouted to the two of them before they could kill each other. "You guys are going to kill each other if you don't get it together. We're here to honor those who lost their lives because of Juvenile Diabetes, and to raise money to find a cure for Diabetes."

"You know what's always gotten me...I never thought getting laid could kill. I didn't think STD's were fatal."

"Well, er...they're not, but Diabetes is not an STD." The man sighed and shook his head. "But you know what can kill...?"

"What?"

"A giant chicken!" The man pulled off his trench coat and hat and revealed his was Ernie the Giant Chicken, and grinned evily.

"You again!?" They both yelled at the same time.

"God, what the hell do I have to do to get rid of you!?" Peter yelled to Ernie. "Dig a ditch and make you fall in it? Cause, you know, I tried that with my daughter, Meg, but she found her way up."

"The only one going down today is you!" Ernie yelled as he tackled Peter and started shooting jabs at his ribs, and then the two of them started running into the Tri-state area fighting each other like they've never done before, leaving everyone else to stare with jaws dropping to the ground.

"You know, it's funny. With all the boxing he does with that chicken, he should be in great shape." Stewie commented, breaking the silence.

**End of Chapter 8.**

**HA! I lied. There is one more chapter left after this, but I promise, it will be the absolute last chapter of this story before I get onto other projects.**

**Next time:** Ernie the Giant Chicken's back, and he's not going to go easy on Peter. Plus, where's Perry?

**Expected Update: **January 31st.


	9. End

****

Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip Series

Phineas and Peter

**Chapter 9: End**

**Disclaimer: The contents of Phineas and Ferb & Family Guy do not belong to me. I own nothing involving both shows. Copyrights belong to Dan Povenmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**A/N: This is indeed the last chapter of the story! I said that the last time, but this time, I truly mean it. And hey, I had fun and I've got more exciting stories for 'Family Guy's Road Trip'. Oh, and I've also got sequels ready for 'Phineas and Ferb' that I'll post soon.**

**Enjoy!**

**TV-PG-DLV**

* * *

Peter and Ernie continued fighting each other down the streets of Danville. They had no idea where they were going or why they were fighting. They simply threw punch after punch at each other, and occasionally, kicked each other.

They kept going until they reached the backyard of Phineas and Ferb. There was a small plane sitting in the backyard, a plane Phineas and Ferb were working on after their rocketship was destroyed. Unknowingly to them, they somehow climbed into the plane while still fighting each other. Peter climbed in first, and then the Chicken. There was room enough for the both of them, so that didn't distract them.

Ernie went to throw a jab at Peter, but missed and instead hit the ignition. Within seconds, the plane had taken off into the skies headed for who knows where. And they had even less control over the plane after Peter accidentally pulled out of the steering controls and started hitting Ernie's head with them several times.

The plane was in the sky and it was far over the Tri-state area. It passed over the small buildings and as it did, Peter and Ernie continued beating on each other. In fact, some of their blood from their open cuts dripped to the ground, but no one down there noticed.

Soon, the plane started going out of control, and started heading in different directions: up, down, left, right, diagnally, any direction imaginable. They continued beating on each other as long as they were on the plane...that is, until the plane turned and headed for a tall building, Doofenshmirtzs Evil Inc. to be precise.

Inside, Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus were enjoying a tequilla while listening to some of Frank Sinatra Jr.'s best work.

"It's a sad day when such a great music band breaks up, don't you think, Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz said to Perry as he sipped his tequilla. "Yes, that's what I thought. So when I heard they were coming back, I took a vacation from evil to listen to them in the Tri-state area. Unfortunately, that was before I realized it was the 'New Rat Pack'. You know, with the baby, the animal, and Stewie. HA! Oh my god, Perry the Platypus. Did-Did you-Did you see what I just did right there!? I called Frank a baby and Brian an animal and then, wow...I did not think I could get away with it!"

While Doofenshmirtz was busy laughing out loud, Perry the Platypus took out a piece of cardboard, and started writing on it. When he stopped laughing, Perry showed the piece of cardboard to him which had the 'C' word on it. Doofenshmirtz was not pleased.

"OK, you know what, go f#ck yourself Perry the Platypus. Now you are just being a douche." Doofenshmirtz said, crossing his arms in disgust. The room fell silent for a moment. Neither Perry nor Doofenshmirtz made a move or a sound. That is...until Peter and the Chicken came crashing through one of the windows in their plane. The plane went out of control and started smashing into all walls in the building. It was only after smashing 12 times did the plane finally explode and burst into flames.

Peter & Ernie climbed out with scars all over them, and Peter's clothes torn all over the place. But that didn't stop them from trying to beat the crap out of each other. They still shoved each other into still intact machinery, punching each other in places they didn't know existed.

But they quickly (and without realizing it of course) turned around and started making for an opening that was left after the plane exploded. They fell out and were forced to think quickly, and so they grabbed some of the debree left attached to the rest of th building, and hung on for dear life. Meanwhile Perry and Doofenshmirtz looked out the window in awe, seeing a fat guy and a chicken hanging for dear life by broken debree was not part of the schedule.

"Um, did we just see a fat guy and a guy in a chicken costume pass on a plane, blow it up, and then fall out?" Doofenshmirtz asked after a short silence.

_I don't know who the hell they are, and I don't give a crap._Perry chattered through his teeth.

"I did not ask you if you knew them or if you were related to them for that matter. I simply asked if it was a fat guy and a chicken guy passing through and hurting themselves with my stuff."

_OK, yes, it was. _Perry chittered again.

"Alright, so it wasn't just me."

And at that moment outside, Ernie & Peter were contemplating on what they had just seen.

"Um...did we just pass through the building of an evil genius whose arch nemesis is a talking platypus that lives a double life as a secret agent?" Ernie asked after a silence.

"Well, that depends."

"On what?"

"What the f#cking hell is a platypus? No, no seriously. T-That thing looked like a skunk, or maybe a raccoon, or that announcer from MSNBC."

"No...I'm pretty sure that was a platypus."

"Yes, and _I'm _pretty sure you're retarded. But hey, we're all winners here."

"Hey shut up, you jackass. At least I'm not some Irish fatass who ran over a little girl, sexually harassed her, and then seemingly murdered her mother!"

"Hey, hey, hey, stop it! Stop it! If you're going to make fun of my religion, at least get it right! I'm only half Irish!"

"Oh bite me!"

"You bite me!" Peter lunged at Ernie to try and hit him, but Ernie punched Peter's jaw hard enough to send Peter falling down 500 feet. Ernie released his grip on what he was holding onto and chased after Peter and continued beating the snot out of him as they fell down to the ground.

They slammed the ground very hard, enough to cause the entire Tri-state area to shake. But even that wasn't enough to stop them. They continued pouncing the crap out of each other, and even started heading back to the park, still to their unawareness.

They kept at each other's necks for a few blocks, constantly smashing each other into building walls and causing destruction, trying to break each other's limbs and necks.

When they stumbled into a nearby cafe, the grabbed whatever silverware they could find, and tried to hit each other with pots, pans, knifes, forks, spoons, sporks, foons, medival weaponary that slut Paris Hilton carries with her, the whole works.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the park, part of the audience was destroyed. Some of the chairs provided were smashed to pieces, and some of the food at the buffet table was completely ruined. Many were angry and several more were simply frustrated, especially those who were injured during Peter & Ernie's rumble.

But clearly, no one was more upset than Brian, Frank, and Stewie put together. "Fabulous!" Frank yelled. "The entire show is ruined! We're screwed."

"Yep. Might as well just pack our bags and leave." Stewie commented as Brian ran over to those who were injured by Peter's carelessness. "There's no way in hell we're going to have any money left over after all of these damages are paid off. This is the worst thing he has ever done! Except for maybe inventing that game that he called 'Shots R' Us'."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to the Griffin house kitchen, where Joe, Quagmire, Brian, and Cleveland are all sitting around the table, waiting to see what brilliant 'game' Peter said he had in store for them._

_"You guys are going to love this. The idea came to me last night while watching an episode of 'NCIS'." Peter said as he pulled out a clipboard, a pencil, and a hat with several pieces of paper in it. "OK, the name of the game is 'Shots R' Us'. OK, you pull a piece of paper. Each paper has a word of profanity on it. Now the dirtier the word, the more shots you get. Any questions?"_

_"I have a question." Cleveland said as he rose his arm into the air. "Did you include any African American profanity when you were constructing this game?"_

_"Um...yes?"_

_"Hmm. OK, just checking."_

_"Alright then, which one of you brave, lucky bastards wants to go first?"_

_"I'll do it. I'm in the mood for a drink." Joe said. He put his hand into the hat and picked out a piece of paper and read it. His face was lit with intrigue. "Wow, I got the 'S' word." Joe handed Peter the paper._

_"Alright, Joe! That's a big one. That's worth..." Peter checked his clipboard. "3 mega-shots."_

_"Is that good?"_

_"Oh hell yeah. It-It's one of the best scores you could get in this game. OK, now close your eyes while I prepare your 'shot'." Peter answered as he started giggling. Clearly there was more to the game than what met the eyes. As Joe shut his eyes, Peter prepared the surprise. He pulled out a shotgun and loaded it with three bullets. He aimed it at Joe and shot him three times quickly before anyone else noticed._

_"AGH, Peter, what the hell is wrong with you, you sick sh#t!" Joe yelled as he clutched his chest in pain, agonizing over the three bullets lodged in his rib cage._

_"Well, Joe, uh, I just gave you your shots. There you go." Peter flatly replied._

_"No, you just put three bullets in me!"_

_"Uh...yes, that is called a 'shot', you stupid, slow pararellogram."_

_"OK, first off, you mean paraplygic, and second of all, we all thought you were talking about booze!"_

_"Well, Lois told me if I got drunk tonight then I shouldn't go upstairs at all, so I invented this new game. Then tonight when I go upstairs and Lois nags on and on about not drinking thinking that I was drinking but then I show her I'm not really drunk, I get to rub it in her face and then nag on about not having make up sex, and anyone who disagrees with that is a negro." Cleveland's jaw dropped. "Yeah, that's right. I said it, Brown. How do you like them apples?"_

_Lois came rushing down in her nightgown after having heard the gunshots. "Peter, I-I heard gunshots! What the hell happened!?"_

_"Well, if you must know, miss I-don't-want-you-drinking-tonight-because-I-want-our-sex-to-be-clean-tonight, the guys and I are playing a 'shots' game, if you catch my drift."_

_"I think I've just lost all feeling in my rib cage!" Joe yelled, slightly slurring his speech now._

_"See, Lois, this was supposed to be a drinking game, but since you forbid me from drinking tonight because I want to slam you so hard, I turned it into a shooting game."_

_"You could've given us a warning!?" Quagmire yelled._

_"Aw, but then you wouldn't have wanted to play..."_

_"EXACTLY, YOU DOUCHEBAG!"_

_"Peter, I don't know what the hell you were thinking, but I'd rather have you as a fat drunk than a serial killer!"_

_"Well, I-wait, really?"_

_"Yes! Drinking for me is much safer than carrying a gun."_

_"Oh. Well in that case..." Peter put down his shotgun and then pulled out a giant beer bottle that was at least 3 1/2 feet long and 2 feet wide, carrying approximately 76 oz of beer. He started gorging down the entire thing and in less than 2 minutes, the entire bottle was empty. Joe, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Lois were in shock at how quickly he drank all of that beer. "S-S-So-So, w-which one of you w-wants to lose their virginity?"_

_(End Cutaway)_

There were dozens of people unconscious on the floor, two of them being Phineas and Isabella. Brian ran over to them to see if they were alright. They had steady breathing and heart rates, but they were clearly knocked out cold.

Frank & Stewie ran over and helped carry Isabella & Phineas backstage where there were medics present, helping out others who were injured in Peter's shenanigans.

"Who are we kidding? This entire show was a bust!" Frank yelled. "Peter completely sodomized all of our hard work with his dumb musical numbers and then dimmolished our set with that giant chicken? What's his name again, Al?"

"You know I wouldn't have been as angry as I am today if this was the only thing Peter had done." Brian squealed. "But no. Oh no, he had to run over a sweet little girl,l, sexually destroy her, and crash his car into a suburban house."

"Yeah, and on top of all that, er...no, wait, I think that was it..." Stewie said, trailing off while contemplating thoughts of what Peter has done in the past week.

"Surprisingly."

Meanwhile, the medics were paying close attention to Isabella since they knew all the things she had gone through the past 8 days. They wanted to be absolutely sure she was alright.

She had regained consciousness, along with Phineas, and the two of them gave blank stares, shifting their attention all over the place.

"W-What happened?" Isabella asked, stuttering. "I remember a guy in a chicken suit attacking Peter, but everything else is a blur."

"Oh that's because you were knocked unconscious." Brian dryly said to Isabella. "And if I know Peter as well as I do, and sadly, that's pretty well, then they're somewhere in the upper town making their way back here."

"What!?"

"Yeah, and right before that, he hit you with a giant drum set that he shot out of a cannon."

"You know, it's amazing he can build those kinds of contrapsions and yet he has difficulty adding 2 + 2!"

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to 20-year old Peter Griffin in his Algebra II college class. He's been called up to the board to solve the simple problem 2 + 2._

_"Uh, um...uh, I don't think I can do this." He stuttered._

_"Mr. Griffin, this is perhaps one of the simplest algebra problems you will ever see in your life. If you can't solve this, I don't know what's wrong with you!" His teacher yelled to him, making Peter angry._

_"Oh so you think I'm stupid, huh?" Peter snarled angry as he started writing on the board. When he was done he moved out of the way revealing what he had written: he had drawn a crudely down picture of his teacher having sex with a toaster and an arrow pointing to him calling him the 'C' word._

_(End Cutaway)_

* * *

Peter and Ernie were still beating the crap out of each other, and were now only a few miles away from the park. Peter's clothes were ripped everywhere, and he had cuts and scars all over his face, along with Ernie all over his torso.

They had no idea where they were going, and they didn't pay attention when they somehow crashed into the windshield of a moving car and still went on beating each other up. The driver was scared and even bailed out of the car, letting it crash into a nearby building just 2 miles from the park. Peter and Ernie escaped the building that was now on fire and continued pouncing: nut blasters, spin crushers, testicle-based attacks, the whole works. Ernie even tried to snap Peter's neck at some points.

The two of them were fighting right in the middle of the streets, causing dozens of cars to sqirve uncontrollably and crash into the side buildings, which in turn, caused mayhem, chaos, and somehow, one of the drivers dislocated their scotum, so rape. One of the cars coming towards them actually hit them and they flew right through the car onto the streets, still beating the crap out of each other.

They stayed like this for several minutes, while several onlookers from the park had their jaws dropping, Brian in particular.

"Does he not realize he's in the middle of the street!?" Frank asked Brian.

"Uh, most likely no. My guess, he'll be out there for another half hour unless we stop him and get him out of the streets. Otherwise this'll be the most retarded thing he's ever done except for that time we played 'Red Light, Green Light'."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Lois, Brian, Stewie, Chris, Meg, and Peter playing Red Light Green Light. Lois is the light in this game._

_"OK, ready?" She called to her family as she turned around and closed her eyes. "Green light." As soon as she said that, everyone but Peter started moving towards Lois. "Red Light!" When she shouted that and turned around, everyone stopped moving except for Peter, who began casually walking towards Lois. "No, no, Peter, Peter, you're doing it wrong!"_

_"What? No I'm not. You're supposed to move on the 'Red light'!"_

_"No, it's the 'Green Light', Peter. You're supposed to move during the green light."_

_"Ooohhhhh. I get it." Peter smiled slyly and moved back to the start line and waited for Lois to turn around._

_"Okay, green light!" She said as she turned around. As soon as she did, Peter took off, sprinting towards her, and before she got a chance to turn around again, he tackled her and started punching her in the face rapidly and beating the crap out of her._

_(End Cutaway)_

Peter & Ernie had nothing better to do than to hit each other like little girls, and Brian & Stewie were now growing frustrated with this. So they ran over to them and tried to pull them apart. Unfortunately, they did not see any reason to stop, and so Peter ran over to the stage, pulled out an amplifier, and threw it at Ernie, causing it to shatter, some pieces even getting stuck in his body. Brian ran up to Peter to stop him from doing anything else rash.

"Peter, Peter, please! Stop it, are you nuts!?" He yelled to his face.

"W-What the hell are you talking about?"

"Peter, you're fighting a giant talking chicken over a silly little expired coupon."

"Ha, ha, ha, you could not be more wrong there! Haa, no, but seriously, we're over that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Now we're fighting over who should've paid the bill that time we made up."

"You could've just let go of the damn check!" Ernie yelled.

"Oh drop dead!"

"Peter!" Brian yelled to him. "Do you not understand what you've done!?"

"Uh.."

"You've nearly destroyed out set, caused injury to hundreds of civilians, d-do you not get it!?"

"What? B-" Peter turned around and saw the stage destroyed, a lot of the civilians hurt, and Brian pissed at him. "Holy crap! Did _I _do that?"

"Yeah, and this isn't even the worst part. Follow us." Brian led Peter & Ernie backstage where the paramedics were taking care of the injured people. He showed them Phineas & Isabella strapped to their operating tables, as the paramedics patched up their bruises. Phineas was holding Isabella's hand so she wouldn't be as scared. "You see what you did? Y-You hurt this girl, _again_! And you also hurt her best friend!"

"OH we're fine." Phineas commented. "We just have a few bruises."

"Oh be careful, it starts off as a few bruises, and then it turns into Meningitis, Gonorrhea, um, Adison's Disease-"

"Peter, none of those things even make sense. And all you did, by the way, was harm them slightly. You didn't even give them an infection."

"I didnt? OH. I-I thought that you know...those two might've done something together and she might've have Herpes..."

"Peter, for God sake's, they're like, 9!"

"Well the world of love is complex. First you start off as kids, then you get married in 5 years and _have _kids, then you die old and alone after your wife steals your fortunes and calls you a whore. In fact, I-I can see how they'll turn out in about 8 years."

_(Cue Flash Forward)_

_Isabella, now 17, was lying in a hospital bed, very fat now, but only because she's pregnant with 23 children. Phineas, and Ferb, who for some reason, is now suicidal, were standing at her bedside, when a 51 year old Peter Griffin came into the room looking rather uneasy._

_"UM, yeah, here's some bad news, Isabella." He said firmly to them. "You're pregnant with 23 children, your talking tree is suicidal, you're obese, and you're gonna die!" He shouted quickly while not stopping. Isabella was taken aback by this. "Oh, uh sorry...I-I meant to space that out a bit, but uh, here we are."_

_"That's crazy." Isabella said. "Maybe I'm just really far along with only two children."_

_"Nope. Doctors said you're only in your first trimester, whatever the hell that is, but I assume that means, like, two months in. But you've got so many in there your vagina's already dilated like, 30 inches, so you're due any day now."_

_"But how could you be pregnant?" Phineas asked. "You said you had a big, strong brick in there...oh, you meant me."_

_"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You didn't know that a 'brick' was a slang term for condom!" Peter laughed maniacally, getting a kick out of the irony that was unfolding._

_"Yes, and you, sir, believe that the word 'ejaculate' is spanish for 'hippee'." Ferb said sternly to Peter, which took him a moment to process._

_"Um...Phineas, why do you take that talking tree with you everywhere you go?"_

_"What? No, Ferb's not a tree. He's a human, you know, like us?"_

_"Phineas, please, this is grown up talk. And just like Ozzy Osbourne, **I'm** the man, and you're the gay person."_

_(End Cutaway)_

"OK, there are three problems with that scenario: 1) A woman cannot be pregnant with 23 children at once-"

"Oh can't she? I saw a TV show with a woman caring for 17 children in her house."

"Yeah, that doesn't mean she had them all at once."

"Oh...right..."

"Second of all, It takes about 9 months for a woman to actually be ready for child labor!"

"And third," Ferb interveined. "Why am I suddenly a suicidal maniac?"

"After your 19th wife left you for Lindsay Lohan, you were so depressed you inhaled Sharpie and became a drug addict."

"OK, when did I become a pothead, and what happened to my first 18 wives."

"Nothing you can prove." Peter said smugly as he crossed his arms. "God I really screwed things up here."

"I wouldn't say that." Frank added as he walked in with phones in his hands. "The audience out there loved your little square off with that chicken guy. A-And the phones have been ringing non-stop since you left. They've been saying 'Bring back the chicken bastard and that fat guy!'. The crowd's going crazy for you. In fact, we've already raised $14,700 in donations from people who called in just to see you fight that guy."

"Wow, really!?"

"Yep. Come on, I'll show you!" Frank and Peter both went back out and saw the people that hadn't been knocked unconscious staring at Peter with envy.

"Hey, it's the chicken guy!" one of them yelled.

"Hey do that thing where you call people the 'N' word!"

"I never called anyone the 'N' word."

"Oh. Sorry!"

"That's OK. A-And for everyone else that's still conscious, I just want to apologize." Peter said into the microphone. "I want to apologize for my grusome behavior this past week. I'm not sure what came over me. The only possible things that come to mind are that I was drunk, which I was partially, that I was high, but I don't take drugs, or I was thinking of Paris Hilton having sex with me while I floss my genitals with one of her hairs."

"What?" Stewie asked in disgust. "Oh my god that is so disgusting! Do you hear yourself talk!? I just might kill you tonight."

* * *

Meanwhile, over at Doofenschmirtz Evil Inc., Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus were analyzing the damage Peter & Ernie had just done to his building.

"Well...this is new." Doofenshmirtz commented. "Normally my schemes are the ones that are destroyed. This time they took out my entire building. You sure you don't know them, Perry the Platypus." Perry shook his head no. "I didn't think so. After all, he didn't even know you were a platypus. He thought you were a raccoon. Anyway, y-you might as well go on home. Those two morons practically destroyed everything in my lab. Well...except for one thing."

Doofenshmirtz led Perry to the side of the building that wasn't completely ripped open, where he revealed a giant laser powered by oranges. "Behold, Perry the Platypus. My orange-inator! Yeah, it's not as glamorous as it sounds. All it does is turn things into oranges. You know what, I don't know what I was thinking when I made this. I-I was reminiscing on when I was a boy, and I asked my father for an orange, and he beat me to a pulp. So, uh...there you go. The shut-off button is the red one. Here..." Dr. D pressed the red button, then Perry casually pressed it again, 'foiling' his plot. "OK, so that's done with. Curse you Perry the Platypus and alll that junk..."

Dr. D's giant grandfather clock suddenly began gonging. It gonged once before going silent. "Huh, that's weird. Only one gong. Usually, it goes about eleven times at this hour...oh no, wait. It is one in the morning. Wow, time flies when a fat person and a person in a chicken costume destroy your place. OK, goodnight, Perry the Platypus." Dr. D walked away into his still-in-tact room while Perry pulled out a grappling hook and shot it out the open wall, whisking himself away.

* * *

Back over at Danville Park, about 3 hours later, everything was cleaned up. The stage was fixed, the scorch marks were cleaned up, the paramedics, and the majority of the civilians had gone home to bed.

"Wow, what a day." Frank remarked in a tone of victory "Thanks to all of your help, we've already raised over $100,000 for Diabetes."

"Yeah, that's more than I make in a year." Peter replied in a sort of jealous tone.

"Well, Diabetes never sleeps, Peter." Brian said.

"Speaking of sleep," Isabella yawned. "I could really use some right now."

"I'll say. It's 4 in the morning, and I haven't been this exhausted since I lost my dog to a bounty hunter and cried myself to sleep every night."

"Peter, that wasn't you. That was the plot line of _Because of Winn Dixie_. You saw it last night."

"Oh."

"Wow, what a great day." Phineas commented. "We raised money to help cure a disease, we watched people make fools of themselves, and Isabella and I have never been closer." He took her hand and hugged her as he said this. Isabella smiled. "And thank god we didn't have to get the police involved with Peter's shenanigans."

"See, Brian, everything worked out."

"Yeah..."

"Hey Ferb..." Phineas called to his step-brother. "Wasn't this a great week? What did you think the strangest part was?"

"Anything that involved that guy." Ferb replied dryly as he pointed to Peter, who was now somehow intoxicated and reading a pornography magazine to Perry the Platypus, who was back to just being a platypus.

"See that, Patrick?" Peter slurred. "T-This is Mary-Kate Olsen having sex with Paris Hilton. How d-delightful. Isn't it fun to watch lesbians go all the way?"

Ferb walked up to Peter slowly and casually, and waited for him to look. "You know, sir, there is something that I've been meaning to do to you the entire time you've been here?"

"Oh yeah? What's that?" Ferb did not hesitate and immediately kicked Peter hard in his testicles. Peter fell to the ground clutching his coconuts and grunting in pain. (Similar to what he did in **Wasted Talent**)

"OK, that was werid." Isabella remarked as she yawned again. "Now can we please go home? I'm exhausted."

"Yeah, me too. And besides, I want you to be well-rested for tomorrow. We're going to spend the best day ever together."

"Oh yeah? What're you guys gonna do?" Stewie asked, looking rather curious. "Gonna-Gonna take her out on a date?" He soon began questioning them in an unusual matter, uping his voice pitch by half a step every time (**Brian the Bachelor)**. "Gonna take her out? Yeah? Gonna spend the day just the two of you? Ma-Maybe kiss? Y-You gonna take her out to dinner? T-Then maybe go back to your house and watch a movie on the couch together? Maybe cuddle a little bit? Talk about how cute she is and make her laugh because a girl's laugh is what fills a man's needs except for weed? T-Then maybe is 8 years get married and move in together but then get a divorce 3 weeks later after you find out she's been cheating on you with Miley Cyrus, Ashley Tisdale, Ashley Olsen, Paris Hilton, Jamie Lynn Spears, and uh...uh..." Stewie's pitch was fading quickly and his voice was returning to normal. "Oh god, who the devil do the good lesbians like today? Uh...Betty White? Oh you know what, forget it. You two make a cute couple anyway. Chou." Stewie waved causally and left the scene, leaving blank stares on Phineas and Isabella's faces.

This cleared up, though, when Phineas spotted his mother being taken away by the police. He ran up to her to see what the matter was. Isabella and Stewie followed.

"Mom, what's going on?" He asked.

"I found your sister frozen in a block of ice in her room and these guys think I did it."

"You were the only one at the house at the time of the crime. Who else could it be!?" One of the policemen yelled to her.

"Yes, Linda, who else could it be?" Stewie asked as he climbed up on Phineas's shoulders and looked her in the eye. Linda was taken aback from this as she actually understood him.

"D-Did you hear what that baby just said!?"

"OK, now you're talking crazy. It's a baby. They don't say anything."

"But I swear I just heard it talk! Maybe this is how Candace feels when she tries to tell me of the boys' misdeeds." Linda whispered that last part to herself.

"Oh come on, Linda. Don't be such a bitch. Don't make this worse than it appears it already is!" Stewie grinned evily.

"See!? See!? He just did it again!?"

"OK, that's enough from you, Linda." The policemen shoved Linda into the car, and got into the driver's seat.

"Well fine. I guess it's no wonder people don't trust you anymore. It's because you don't listen to anyone."

"You're the one that smells like sweat, anger, shame, and that you've been having sex with a black guy."

And as if by magic, Alfonso Riberio walked up to the car, holding up a condom, while Lawrence, the boys' father, also walked up looking for them.

"Oh there you are boys. Say, have you seen you m-" He stopped cold blood when he saw Alfonso standing there and Linda in the police car. Lawrence was in shock to do anything so he simply turned around and walked away, and Alfonso opened the door, and punched Linda right in her face, slammed the door, and then left. Once again, everyone (even Stewie this time) was left speechless.

"Yeesh, and I thought Lois and the fatman were f#cked up, but your parents take the cake." Stewie said to Phineas.

Brian and Frank were left speechless as well, and they didn't even get involved with it.

"So...how do we end this very strange story."

"The same way we end every stupid episode, Frank. An unrelated musical number. What do you say, guy?" Brian asked Phienas & Isabella as they came back up to the stage. "You two in the mood for one more song?"

"Sure." Phineas and Isabella gleed in happiness.

Phineas and Isabella took a seat on the ground below the stage since most of the chairs had already been taken away. As they waited for Brian & Frank to start their song, they couldn't help but look at each other lovingly once more, and then embraceing tightly.

The band started playing and the curtains opened up, as Frank started strolling out, snapping his fingers to the beat.

_**Frank: **On the western side of Quahog,  
if you'd care to come along,  
there's a club that's so exclusive  
that the line is ten miles long._

Now Brian came strolling out, snapping his fingers to the beat.

_**Brian: **Where the douchebags come to party  
and to spend their fathers' cash  
just to take home slutty women a  
nd then wake up with a rash.  
Yeah they wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up  
with a rash!  
__**  
Both: **Take me out to pLace tonight,  
where the wool knit caps are tight.  
**Frank: **And the guys in hooded sweatshirts  
have forgotten that they're white.  
**Both: **Take me out to pLace tonight  
where there ain't no cellulite,  
and we'll drink ourselves insane until we're feeling...  
dynamite!_

**THE END!**

**That's it. That's the end of this story. I hope you've enjoyed it. There will be other stories for Phineas and Ferb, as well as Family Guy. So keep your eyes open.**

**Oh and keep a watchful eye out for an extra chapter containing bonus scenes I didn't have time to put into the story.**


	10. Extras

**Family Guy's Extra Special Road Trip (Season 1)**

**Episode 1: Phineas and Peter**

**Bonus Chapter: Extras**

**A/N: I find it that whenever I complete a story and post it online, a few days later my mind goes haywire and I start coming up with some new ideas to add on So I always end up rewriting it entirely. So to avoid that with this story, I'm posting this chapter. This chapter will consist of portions of the story I either just thought of recently, or wanted to put in the story, but didn't feel it was right. So...enjoy. Oh, and uh, while in other chapters profanity is censored, in these kinds of chapters, profanity is uncensored.**

**Disclaimer: _Phineas and Ferb_ and_ Family Guy _do not belong to me. They belong to Dan Povernmire and Seth MacFarlane respectively.**

**TV-PG-DLV (Remember profanity is uncensored in this chapter)**

* * *

**Deleted Scenes**

**Tall, Irish Drunk _(Chapter 3)_**

Peter was walking down the sidewalk, passing by Phineas's house. He had a beer in his hand, and was no doubt drunk. He didn't even realize where he was at until he heard some cheering going on in Isabella's backyard. He took a look around and saw it to be Isabella and the Fireside girls. They were practicing one of their routine cheers for the upcoming Danville soccer champtionship game, which was in a month.

Peter decided to invade to see what they were up to.

"He-Hey-Hey! What's-What's going on?" He started asking, stuttering and slurring his words. "What-What are you guys up to? Up to something nice, I hope."

"We're just practicing our cheering routine for the championship soccer game in a month." Isabella commented. "We're getting better, but we still need to practice."

"I'll say. You-You guys could use some w-work on your stuff and...stuff."

"You know, we _are_ girls."

"Yeah-Yeah, Yeah, that's what they all say. Then they go under the knife and t-three days later, **_BAM!_** Herpes."

"OKay..."

"Yo-You know, I was once the head cheerleader of my school."

"You were?"

"Yeah. M-Maybe I can help you out a little bit. S-Show me what you got."

"OK." Isabella got her palm-palm's ready for her little solo. It was actually quite good (And possibly a parody of an upcoming episode) "_How funky is your chicken, how loose is your goose? Hey Team Fireside, shake your caboose!" _At the end of her routine, Isabella bumped Peter a little bit to go with it. Peter, however, in his intoxicated state, wasn't impressed that much.

"T-That was...oh boy, what's the word I'm looking for? Uh..boy, t-th-that was really mediocre." Peter responded (finally). "If-If I could just make one little suggestion."

"Um, sure. What is it?"

"Why don't I join your-your little group so at the end of that I could do this-" And then as if his life depended on it, he slapped Isabella's rear end hard. "Ha? HA? What do ya think?"

"What the hell was that for?!" She shouted as she tried to rub where he slapped her. "That really hurt."

"I know. But that's all part of the routine." As Peter took another sip of his beer, Lois walked in.

"Peter, there you are. Dinner's at six tonight, we're having meatloaf...and," She noticed Isabella in pain. "Why is that grade-schooler rubbing her own ass?"

"Oh, because I slapped it."

"WHAT? Why would you do that!?"

"It's all part of her cheering routine." While Lois was preplexed, Isabella was desperately trying to convince her that it was not true at all. "Yeah-Yeah, I-I was just passing by and then-then I saw her, and those other g-guys over there, doing some slut dance that came from Japan. I thought I'd be able to ejaculate with them, but...but that's not going be happening is it now?"

"Peter, that's wrong in so many ways."

"Well Hitler's reign of terror during 9/11 was wrong too, but nobody complained about it until the '80s."

"Peter you had no idea what 9/11 was until 2004. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prepare the dinner." And with that, Lois took her leave.

"Well fine then. I'll just stay here and help this girl all by myself." He then turned back to Isabella. "S-So...so you ok with what I put on the table?"

"No, I'm not about to demeen my teammates like a frilly little schoolgirl."

"Well it's either that or you gotta suck on my balls?"

"What?"

"Suck on these halls?" Peter took out a bag of Halls cough drops, hoping to save himself. "H-Hey, I got an idea. W-Wh-Why don't you invite along that stupid little kid of yours, Phi-Phi-Phin-Roger? That's his name, right? Phil?"

"His name is Phineas."

"Right...right. You-You like him, right? You-You're mad for him, like a-wow, you-you're madly in love with that prick-"

"_Shh...shh! _Shut up!" She shouted in a hushed voice to shut him up. She saw that Phineas was coming down the sidewalk. "I don't want _him_ to know! I'm not ready to tell him."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Well don't worry, little girl. You don't have to tell him yet." Peter assured, letting Isabella sigh a sigh of relief. "So I'll tell him!" He then shouted, causing her to glare. He then drank the rest of his beer can, and threw it at Phineas to get his attention. "_Hey, hey scrawny kid with the penis for a nose!?_" He yelled to Phineas. "Hey kid! H-Hey kid, listen up! Do-Do you-Do you know this girl likes you!? Sh-She likes you, you know!"

Phineas exchanged a confused look to Isabella, who only covered herself in shame.

"Y-Yeah, this girl's so in love with you, I'd have to drink a beer to believe it! A-And it's-it's a shame you've been denying it this entire time. She loves you and have to achknowledge it otherwise you'll live your life in shame and depression like John Lennon, Shaquille O' Neal, Robert Logia. Get it through your head! This is the sweetest, most charming, most attractive little tool you will ever meet in your life. A-And if you can't s-see that by now, then do u-us all a favor, and go f-f-f-fuck yourself!" He pulled out another beer can and drankt he entire thing in less than 10 seconds. He then took his leave after giving Phineas the finger.

**Flying Washing Machine_ (Chapter 4)_**

Phineas and Ferb were busy working on their latest project: launching a washing machine into the air off of a ramp to dry-clean their clothes. Stewie walked by while they were working, and wasn't impressed at all. "OK, I'm only going to ask once. What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"We built a washing machine that's powered by flight, and we're going to launch it off of this ramp, with this rope. See?" Phineas pulled the rope to show Stewie, and as a result, accidentally launched the washing machine off the ramp. Instead of going up like planned, it went forward, so far it actually flew out of the town, out of the city limits, which surprised the three boys. "Whoa, didn't see that coming. What do you think happened?"

"Well obviously we miscalculated the trajectory of the machine. It must've had less clothes to wash than we initially thought." Ferb added.

"Well where do you think it's going?" Phineas asked.

"Well, knowing my show's constant repeating gags, and its lack of consideration for the many races of our world, it's either going to the place where Caylee Anthony's remains were buried, or to Cleveland's house." Stewie added.

And sure enough, he was right.

The washing machine was flung so far out of Danville, it actually went to Rhode Island. Quahog, Rhode Island to be specific. Spooner Street, Rhode Island to be more specific. The washing machine flew right into Cleveland Brown's house.

The entire front was destroyed when it crashed into it, and as it fell down to the ground, so did the debree from his house. He was in the bathtub when it crashed and when it fell, so did the debree holding up the floorboard.

"What the hell!?" Cleveland screamed as the floorboard started tipping towards the ground and his bathtub started sliding. "No, no, NO, NO, **NO**, **_NO_!**" He yelled as his bathtub fell to the ground, the tub breaking in the process. He looked down at the water on the ground, and screamed. "AAH! I see sperm!"

"_Welcome to the club, big guy!"_ Quagmire yelled from his house.

"No wait, that's just soap."

"_Aww."_

**_Alternate Version_**

"Well where do you think it's going?" Phineas asked.

"Well, knowing my show's constant repeating gags, and its lack of consideration for the many races of our world, it's either going to the place where Caylee Anthony's remains were buried, or to Cleveland's house." Stewie added.

And sure enough, he was right.

The washing machine flew straight out of Danville right into Florida, and finally crash landed in a heavily-wooded area, 15 miles away from the Anthony Home, and just feet away from where young Caylee Anthony's remains were buried. Then a man named Roy Kronk passed by and saw the washing machine sitting there. While he tried to go past it by going around it, he instead bumped into where the remains were. He picked up a black trash bag and as soon as he did, a child's skull fell out. Scared, he put the skull bag in, put the bag down, and then slowly walked away.

* * *

**Baby Photo _(Chapter 6)_**

Phineas sat down on the living room couch, and turned on the TV. More conflicted than ever over his feelings for Isabella, he wanted to sit down and try to drown out his thoughts.

_It's time for Love Connection!_

_Buy this golden heart locket and tell your special someone that...er, well they're special._

_Engagement rings are for douches! That's why I settle for condoms._

All of the commercials Phineas happened to flip through all had to do with love. It was sickening, and not something he wanted to deal with right now. While he was pondering, though, Stewie came through. "Hey, pal." He said quietly. "You-You doing OK?"

"Stewie? How'd you get in here?"

"Oh, I just went up to the front door and turned that round thing. Called a freakin' knob. It's not like it had a security system like the Smart House."

_(Cue Cutaway)_

_We cutaway to Stewie walking up to his new Smart House, called P.A.T, Personal Applied Technology._

_"Password?"_

_"Cool Hwhip."_

_"I'm sorry." The Smart House then unleashed one of its claws, which stabbed Stewie in his chest, and caused him to fall to the ground._

_(End Cutaway)_

"So what's on your mind, kid?"

"Well, everything. Ever since her accident, I've been thinking long and hard about my relationship with her. Do I really like her as more than a friend?"

"You know, she really is a caresmatic and sweet girl. You ought to at least give her a chance. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? One of you ends up like a prostitute and you take your baby to a strip club?"

"Oh, that reminds me. There was this one time where my mom took us to the mall and we found this baby maker booth." He pulled out a picture and handed it to Stewie. "I don't think you'll like it."

"Why wouldn't I? I'm in the mood for a good-" Stewie stopped himself when he saw the picture, which, ironically, was him on it. "Oh somebody's gonna die for this."

* * *

**Extended Scenes**

**Chapter 2: Dibs on Danville**

Peter walked up to Isabella, who was quite frankly confused at the situation. Peter, though aware of his surrounding, was still drunk, and had no idea of what he was saying. "He-ee-eey, what have we here!?" He walked around Isabella several times, observing every part of her body. Literally. "Wow, this is incredible. Hey, Hey has anybo-has anybody ever told you you have a sweet ass? _hahahaha_"

"N-N-No?"

"Well you do! Oh god that is huge. No, no, no seriously, that is a huge ass! Am-Am I right? Huge ass! B-Boy, so-so why do you still look like a virgin? W-Why do you still look like a virgin? S-Shouldn't you have bled out of your ass by now?

Isabella was quickly becoming mortified, and Brian, who has dealt with Peter's stupidity since day 1, brought over a metal baseball bat, lifted it, and swung it hard at Peter's head. The blow did not knock him unconscious. Instead, it knocked Peter out of his drunken state. He finally came to his sense and lookeda round, seeing a horrified Isabella.

"Whoa, Brian, I just had the weirdest dream that you invited us on a world wide tour to promote the dangers of the STD Diabetes and that we arrived at our first stop and I started sexually harassing this ten-year old girl."

"Peter, that wasn't a dream. It all happened. In fact she's right here." Brian introduced Peter to Isabella. "Peter, this is um..."

"Isabella. My name's Isabella."

"Oh wow, that's incredible! Did anyone ever tell you you have a sweet, huge ass? And wow, Isabella? Th-That's such a lesbian's name! I-I knew someone named Isabella. Yeah-Yeah, she was my personal trainer or something back when I was in school. Um...no wait, actually, she was my French teacher, and I told her off, and uh, she called my parents on me. Awkward."

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"Oh no need. The only payment I require is my hopes that this session will keep you warm on the inside as you spend the next 10 years in **Frozen carbinite**!" He yelled as he pulled out a gun and shot a pink blast at Candace. Seconds after that, she was encased in a block of pink carbinite. (A reference to the highly liked episode **Chitty Chitty Death Bang**) Stewie then ran to her and grabbed her purse out of her frozen hand. He opened it up and found her wallet, which contained a lot of money in it: $1,000 to be exact.

His eyes suddenly widened by the sight of the money. "Whoa! I've never seen this much money in my life! Except for when the fatman invested in that flying hottub that ended up cutting him in the nuts. I wonder what I could buy with this?"

So Stewie took off, and boarded a plane to Cuba and met with Castro, the former leader of Cuba.

"What do you mean you don't accept American money?"

"I mean, I don't accept American money."

"Look, I traveled all the way from America in just under 5 hours, and I'm not leaving until I get my dues."

"Well in that case, you'd better trade your money in for Cuban Pesos. My price is 36,500,000 pesos for all of Cuba."

"OK, then explain to me how I'm going to get Two and a Half Million dollars to pay you with?"

"That's your problem, bro. I either get my money or you don't get Cuba."

"The only thing I'm gettting now is an erection, so I'll get back to you on that one. Good day." And with that, Stewie turned around and walked away.

**The End. (For real this time!)**

**I hope you enjoyed this. It's just a little something to keep this story alive. I'm still working on the second episode, and I'll be sure to have the last chapter posted before the end of the month.**


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